Let me just start off by saying something here. I’ve heard it all. I’ve seen it all. At this point in my life there are very few things that can phase me.
Like, there are the types of people where ONE mention of a fucking NIPPLE offends them to no end.
Then there’s me.
Like, I’ve been exposed to every obscure fetish; every kink from the deepest crevice of Reddit; every sex-related confession I’ve heard from one of my friends -and sometimes just a random human –
(side note: there’s something about being an adult entertainer that makes people comfortable enough to let their guard down pretty quickly and confess their deepest darkest secrets to me, like, instantly. My theory is that if I’m willing to live my life in such a traditionally taboo way, then I must be nonjudgmental. Which is true).
Maybe someday I’ll start charging hourly for my therapy sessions. I kid, I kid.
I wasn’t always like this, though. Like, you gotta start SOMEWHERE, right?!
This fine internet man is one of those SOMEWHERES responsible for introducing me to a whole NEW realm of what it means to a certified freak.
It’s circa 2013. It’s summertime in suburbia in New York. The windows are open and I feel a warm breeze coming in. Quite nice. It’s around 8PM.
I’m winding down my public chat on My Free Cams and about to go into accepting “Privates.” In Cam Land, there are plenty of ways to go about running your time on cam.
One of the most popular, and the way I rolled back then (and still do) is to dedicate a few hours to your room (AKA your public chat) encouraging tips from members, usually with some kind of a themed countdown show.
When that time is up, you move on to accept “Privates,” which means private 1 on 1 time that members pay for with you.
Usually I don’t even see the other person, so it’s like talking to a computer screen, but this particular evening had much more in store for me.
This guy was a new member but I had seen him hanging in my room for a couple weeks, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Prior to the private, he had asked if I did “JOI fantasy” which basically means a dirty talking narrative to the dude as to how to beat his meat. Duh.
That’s like, the most common kink in Cam Land. Same with porn.
He also asked if I did “Femdom stuff.” While I’m not a domme by any means, I AM a kickass actress and love to channel my inner bitch and play a different character. Like, how fun.
So when I logged on for our private sesh, I was surprised he had his camera on. Fine. Like I said, it’s a rarity but I never think anything of it. This guy was, like, 250 lbs and pretty short.
He was what looked like mid-thirties with a fresh dark brown bowl cut and was sitting shirtless in baby blue cotton boxers in what looked like a fucking basement. Mom’s basement? We’ll never know.
He instantly was all, “Tell me how worthless I am and how pathetic my virgin cock is.”
Sometimes in these moments (yes, this happens frequently too) I never know if they’re actually a virgin or if this is just the fantasy. But I don’t ask questions. I’m here to fulfill fantasies!
So of course I went OFF.
“YOU’RE THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT FAT FUCKING SHRIMP DICK LOSER I’VE EVER MET IN MY LIFE. YOU’RE SO WORTHLESS YOU HAVE TO PAY ME TO TELL YOU HOW TO JERK YOUR PATHETIC DICK BECAUSE YOU CAN’T GET A REAL WOMAN TO DO IT.”
Now some Karens may be all, “OMFGGGG THAT’S SO MEAN HOW CAN YOU DO THAT?!?”
Karen, this is Fantasy Land. He is a grown ass, consenting man. I am a grown ass, consenting woman.
I am also a professional. He also signed up for this. Like, trust me.
HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE’S GETTING INTO. THEY ALL DO. HE FUCKING LIKES IT.
And if you know me to any degree, you know that this is me playing a character. Alix IRL is like, super fucking chill and levelheaded like a small blonde velour tracksuit-wearing zen master of sorts.
I kept going. And going. And going. REAMING this guy a new asshole.
And of course he was LOVING IT.
So when it came down to the finish line (I can just tell, ya know?!) I told him to get ready and…
All of a sudden he stops what he’s doing and in roughly 1/20 of a second pulls some ninja shit and ROLLS BACKWARDS (but on his side so I could see the full profile of what’s happening), RAISES HIS LEGS OVER HIS FACE…
And while I’m over here still trying to figure out what the ACTUAL FUCK this man is doing…
He blows his load.
IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING OPEN MOUTH.
And THEN like it ain’t no thang, proceeds to hold his hands up to the camera to proudly show me that he had eaten the whole entire mess.
ALL THE FROSTING OFF THE FUCKING CAKE.
…then promptly said, “THANKS HAD FUN!” And logged off.
…Leaving me sitting there in front of a black screen (kinda like when you watch too much Netflix and it asks “Are you still watching?”)
…wondering what the FUCK just happened.
And that, my friends, was my first ever experience with CEI.
I’ll let you figure out what it stands for.
While I wouldn’t bat an eye if I encountered this…situation…nowadays…
I’m QUITE certain I went to bed without dinner that night. I just didn’t seem to be able to find my appetite.