xo, alix

alix lynx, unhinged

Archives for January 11, 2021

Ask AL: Relationships, Internet Love and COVID Life

 

You asked, I answered! 

 

MONOGAMY, POLYAMORY, SWINGER…WHICH RELATIONSHIP STYLE SUITS YOU BEST?

Dear Alix, 

I’m curious which relationship style you find suits you best? Like, polyamory, monogamy with the exception of work, more of a swinging style, non-monogamy? Cheers, think you’re cool!

In my world, relationship styles are very much on a case-by-case basis. In relationships in general, it’s all about communicating with your partner and what works best for you two. Everyone is different. Everyone has different preferences, everyone has different lifestyles, everyone has different expectations.

And all of that is great! Because, believe it or not, there is no one right or wrong way to do your effing life. Like, fuck society being all “You have to do it THIS SPECIFIC WAY or it’s wrong.” I don’t play that game. So it’s a conversation. It’s communicating. It’s deciding in that particular situation what’s fair to both parties. What do both parties want? How can we come to an agreement where both people are happy? All that stuff.

That said, at this point in my life (I’m 31 and have been in the adult biz since I was 22, adult film since I was 25)…I have done the swinging thing in the past, in my 20’s. That was a fun time! It was me experimenting and having fun, which I think everyone should give a whirl if they feel so inclined. I’m not a polyamory person – I think everyone should do whatever the fuck they want to do with their own lives, but that particular lifestyle just isn’t for me.

So all that said, I’m monogamous AF in relationships. I’m GOOD with just one person. Especially after doing adult entertainment for so long and seeing and experiencing ALL kinds of wild shenanigans, having gotten the craziness out of my system, ALL I want is a traditional monogamous relationship. And that’s not going to change.

The performance that you see on camera vs. intimacy in real life is like comparing apples to oranges. They’re just SO different. When I’m filming a scene, there’s no emotional connection there. It’s me working with a partner to PERFORM so that it looks phenomenal for the viewers at home. It’s like a dance of sorts. It’s sex, but it’s not the kind of fulfilling, intimate sex that I experience with someone I’m in a relationship with. Filming a scene is like going to the office and spending the day with a colleague you work well with. You collaborate with that person and work together to deliver the best product possible, and then you go home. (In my case, anyways. I’m super professional and no-nonsense, all business, in case you haven’t figured that out already! ;])

That said, I AM super open minded. Like, I’m DOWN for funsies with my real-life romantic partner. Stuff like throwing a hot woman into the mix here and there, yeah, that’s FUN AF. I’m always down to try new things. Life is meant to be lived, after all! I take my personal relationships seriously and communication is ALWAYS top priority to make sure everyone’s on the same page.

 

IS IT POSSIBLE TO FALL IN LOVE ON THE INTERNET?

Dear Alix, 

Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone you are chatting with on the internet? Someone you have never met in person?

Well, I’m a firm believer in the fact that anything is possible. So yes, I believe that possibility exists. However, I feel like if I were in that position, I would be guarded to a degree with my feelings and emotions until I actually got to meet that person in real life.

It’s 2021. People are ALL up on dating sites and dating apps. It’s the new norm! Hell, even sliding into people’s DMs. I know plenty of people who have made friends – and gotten dates – doing this. With people who live in different states, and even different countries. If that’s your vibe, definitely get on the phone. Definitely get on video chat. You can gauge a connection FAR greater with someone when you’re at the very least chatting with them via video vs. typing out words from behind a computer screen.

However, I still think it’s SUPER important, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating, that you meet the person you’re talking to in real life. Multiple times. Human to human contact cannot be replaced with computers or phones. It’s crucial.

So yes, I do believe this is possible, but I also believe in proceeding with caution and making sure your relationship isn’t JUST online before you let yourself fall hard for your cyber bae.

 

THE VIBE OF LIFE IN LOCKDOWN

Dear Alix, 

Hi, beautiful! I’m from the UK and in lockdown at the moment. Life seems to be going so slow. How are you coping with the COVID situation? 

I am doing….really good. REALLY, really good. Not a day goes by where I don’t appreciate how fortunate I am to be healthy and be able to continue working. My job has been affected, but not in a detrimental way. I just switched up the way I was doing things is all. I do miss a lot of my friends, but who doesn’t? My health is my number one priority so until then, my ass is sitting at home.

So when all this madness started up last March, just like everyone else, it forced me into a state of stillness.

I decided immediately that I wasn’t comfortable going to set anymore, so I decided that I would pivot to only filming my own scenes (which I had been doing since day one of getting into the business anyways, so not a big change there).

I also decided that I was going to make the most out of this time. I’m a firm believer in the fact that while we cannot control what happens in our lives, we CAN control how we react to it. I refused to wallow in misery over what was and have a pity party. Instead, I decided that now would be the perfect time to bring to life some projects I had been wanting to for a LONG time, but had spent so long on my hamster wheel going to and from set, so they had been on the back burner.

Which is how this blog came about, as well as my merch store (shopxoalix.com), as well as a handful of other projects that you’ll see soon. 😉

I also decided to move back to the east coast. I had been considering this for a bit, even before COVID happened. I’m a different person now at 31 than I was at 25. Nowadays all I want is a low key life, peace and quiet, nature and fresh air. None of which LA could give me.

So all of that said, ultimately I’ve just elevated into a better version of myself and continue to do so every day. If anything, this entire past year just further confirmed to me that working with what you’ve got, where you are, and showing up for yourself every single day is enough. Life has never been better. And this is possible for anyone, too. It’s really all in perspective. 😉

If you’d like your questions answered, you can email my team (and it’s totally anonymous, P.S.) at teamfantasyfactory@gmail.com, and I’ll be answering away right here as well as in my “Ask AL” series on Instagram Live.

 

xo, alix

 

Ask AL: Catfishing and Dating in My Line of Work

 

 

You asked, I answered! 

 

AM I BEING CATFISHED? 

Dear Alix, 

I’ve been following an actress in the adult industry on social media, and have been texting her online for several months. We text several times a day, every day. I would really love to meet her in person, and she seems to want the same thing. Every time I try to arrange a meeting, she always comes up with an excuse. My friends and family think I’m being scammed, but I truly believe she’s the real thing. I keep asking for a real life phone call or video chat but she says her management won’t allow it and she doesn’t have video on her phone. Since you’re in the adult industry I was hoping you could give me some tips. Would management keep her from talking on the phone and video chatting? Thanks in advance for any help you can give me. 

Oh, boy. My guy, I hate to break it to you, but you are definitely being catfished. I can tell you right now that no management (unless your manager is literally a pimp – in which case she’s gotta get the F out of that situation) would ever be that way. This entire situation just screams “CATFISH” to me. As an artist/entertainer, management works for you, so there would be no situation in which a manager would be that controlling around who a grown adult human is “allowed” to talk to.

The second red flag I’m seeing is all the excuses. Like, it’s one thing if it happens once, MAYBE twice, but anything beyond that just screams “BS!” 

The third red flag to me here is the fact that she “doesn’t have video on her phone.” Unless she’s using a Tracfone from the 1990’s, literally EVERY phone has a video camera on it nowadays.

Something about this entire situation has got my “This has got to be a man living in mom’s basement” radar going WAY TF OFF. 

So, my love, I am sorry to say that you are indeed being catfished. And even if this happens to be a real person, this sounds like an incredibly dramatic, weird situation you’ve gotten yourself into. I HIGHLY advise that you cut ties now and move on. It’s 2021 – dating apps and websites are fantastic, and boatloads of people use them. ESPECIALLY during this weird COVID era. It’s the new norm. Get yourself back out there, and please don’t settle for a chick who claims she doesn’t have a video camera on her phone.

 

WHAT’S THE HARDEST PART ABOUT DATING IN YOUR LINE OF WORK?

 

Dear Alix,

As a Long Islander with NY pride, I’ve followed your work for a long time. I have massive respect for artists who are passionate about their work in all mediums. What’s the hardest part about dating as an actress? Do you prefer to date people who don’t know about your work, or people who are viewers of your work? Both ends may have pros and cons, so is there one that typically works out better for you? 

YASSSS NY! Ain’t no state like this state. K, so first of all, I don’t keep my job a secret. I’m not sneaky like that, and that would just be really stupid on my end. lol. I just think that’s super deceitful (and also REALLY difficult considering literally everyone watches porn, so that would absofuckinglutely blow up in my face at some point. Best to avoid THAT situation altogether ;])

I’m a very upfront, blunt, “this is what you get, take it or leave it” type of person. What’s been most challenging in my dating life is meeting people and getting to know each other at this point in my life (vs. a person who knew me before I got into adult film) because the other person tends to go into the situation having a lot of preconceived notions of who they think I am based off of the limiting info they get from looking at my trail of internet shenanigans and what I share on social media.

What I share online is just a small part of who I am as a person overall. I’m a deep person with many, many layers (just like every other human being), and I do have parts of my life that I keep private because I like it that way. And, ultimately, adult work IS a major part of me and my life, but it’s just something that I DO. As in, it’s not all-encompassing when it comes to WHO I am.

So it’d be like if you’re dating an accountant, and you go on their Instagram page and all their content is all about numbers and accounting stuff, you know (I would hope) that they have far more depth to them and their lives aside from all the financial chatter they’re sharing on the interwebs. People tend to think that since I’m a certain way online, that must be exclusively who I am in real life. Except for in real life, my default mode is a super calm, reserved, nerdy bookworm, and I just want to have intelligent, in-depth conversations. I’m super open-minded and non-judgmental. The adult work is just an extension of my sexy side.

So in my world, that’s usually a bit of a hurdle to get over. To answer your question, I prefer to date people who do know about my work. That’s the ONLY way for me. And, frankly, anytime I’m talking to someone new, they DO know about my work because I’m very up front about it immediately. Some people are cool with it, and some are not, so it’s not too complicated. Some people can easily grasp and understand that I’m just an actress doing my job, and some can’t handle it. But the good thing is, there are billions of humans on this planet and it only takes one to just GET IT, ya know?

 

If you’d like your questions answered, you can email my team (and it’s totally anonymous, P.S.) at teamfantasyfactory@gmail.com, and I’ll be answering away right here as well as in my “Ask AL” series on Instagram Live.

 

xo, alix