You asked, I answered!
AM I BEING CATFISHED?
I’ve been following an actress in the adult industry on social media, and have been texting her online for several months. We text several times a day, every day. I would really love to meet her in person, and she seems to want the same thing. Every time I try to arrange a meeting, she always comes up with an excuse. My friends and family think I’m being scammed, but I truly believe she’s the real thing. I keep asking for a real life phone call or video chat but she says her management won’t allow it and she doesn’t have video on her phone. Since you’re in the adult industry I was hoping you could give me some tips. Would management keep her from talking on the phone and video chatting? Thanks in advance for any help you can give me.
Oh, boy. My guy, I hate to break it to you, but you are definitely being catfished. I can tell you right now that no management (unless your manager is literally a pimp – in which case she’s gotta get the F out of that situation) would ever be that way. This entire situation just screams “CATFISH” to me. As an artist/entertainer, management works for you, so there would be no situation in which a manager would be that controlling around who a grown adult human is “allowed” to talk to.
The second red flag I’m seeing is all the excuses. Like, it’s one thing if it happens once, MAYBE twice, but anything beyond that just screams “BS!”
The third red flag to me here is the fact that she “doesn’t have video on her phone.” Unless she’s using a Tracfone from the 1990’s, literally EVERY phone has a video camera on it nowadays.
Something about this entire situation has got my “This has got to be a man living in mom’s basement” radar going WAY TF OFF.
So, my love, I am sorry to say that you are indeed being catfished. And even if this happens to be a real person, this sounds like an incredibly dramatic, weird situation you’ve gotten yourself into. I HIGHLY advise that you cut ties now and move on. It’s 2021 – dating apps and websites are fantastic, and boatloads of people use them. ESPECIALLY during this weird COVID era. It’s the new norm. Get yourself back out there, and please don’t settle for a chick who claims she doesn’t have a video camera on her phone.
WHAT’S THE HARDEST PART ABOUT DATING IN YOUR LINE OF WORK?
As a Long Islander with NY pride, I’ve followed your work for a long time. I have massive respect for artists who are passionate about their work in all mediums. What’s the hardest part about dating as an actress? Do you prefer to date people who don’t know about your work, or people who are viewers of your work? Both ends may have pros and cons, so is there one that typically works out better for you?
YASSSS NY! Ain’t no state like this state. K, so first of all, I don’t keep my job a secret. I’m not sneaky like that, and that would just be really stupid on my end. lol. I just think that’s super deceitful (and also REALLY difficult considering literally everyone watches porn, so that would absofuckinglutely blow up in my face at some point. Best to avoid THAT situation altogether ;])
I’m a very upfront, blunt, “this is what you get, take it or leave it” type of person. What’s been most challenging in my dating life is meeting people and getting to know each other at this point in my life (vs. a person who knew me before I got into adult film) because the other person tends to go into the situation having a lot of preconceived notions of who they think I am based off of the limiting info they get from looking at my trail of internet shenanigans and what I share on social media.
What I share online is just a small part of who I am as a person overall. I’m a deep person with many, many layers (just like every other human being), and I do have parts of my life that I keep private because I like it that way. And, ultimately, adult work IS a major part of me and my life, but it’s just something that I DO. As in, it’s not all-encompassing when it comes to WHO I am.
So it’d be like if you’re dating an accountant, and you go on their Instagram page and all their content is all about numbers and accounting stuff, you know (I would hope) that they have far more depth to them and their lives aside from all the financial chatter they’re sharing on the interwebs. People tend to think that since I’m a certain way online, that must be exclusively who I am in real life. Except for in real life, my default mode is a super calm, reserved, nerdy bookworm, and I just want to have intelligent, in-depth conversations. I’m super open-minded and non-judgmental. The adult work is just an extension of my sexy side.
So in my world, that’s usually a bit of a hurdle to get over. To answer your question, I prefer to date people who do know about my work. That’s the ONLY way for me. And, frankly, anytime I’m talking to someone new, they DO know about my work because I’m very up front about it immediately. Some people are cool with it, and some are not, so it’s not too complicated. Some people can easily grasp and understand that I’m just an actress doing my job, and some can’t handle it. But the good thing is, there are billions of humans on this planet and it only takes one to just GET IT, ya know?
If you’d like your questions answered, you can email my team (and it’s totally anonymous, P.S.) at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll be answering away right here as well as in my “Ask AL” series on Instagram Live.