xo, alix

alix lynx, unhinged

My Experience With: LSD

 

 

Before I get started, as per always, I am not condoning drug use whatsoever. I am simply sharing my own personal experience with you, and you can take this info and do with it what you wish.

I’ve microdosed LSD…aka, acid…a LOT.

I’ve taken acid…I don’t even know. 40 times or so. So I’ve had my fair share of experiences with it.

Like shrooms, which is the only other psychedelic I’ve taken, my experiences with acid have all been eye-opening. Every time I take it, I come out the other side feeling wiser, with a deeper understanding of myself and life as a whole. So, needless to say, just like shrooms, it’s also going to be a part of my life forever.

Also similar to shrooms, a full trip on acid is like running a computer virus cleaning program, but on your brain. In this case, your brain is the computer, with loads of tabs open, downloading spam, processing thousands and thousands of thoughts, often feeling overloaded and slowed down.

A day spent in a full trip on acid is like wiping the slate clean, removing ALL of that junk, and waking up the next day anew and refreshed AF.

When it comes to psychedelics, the vibe I do NOT fuck with is, “Let me take this and get really fucked up,” because for me, it’s important to have the right intentions in mind before doing them.

For me, it’s the vibe of, “I’m going to take this, have fun, and highly likely will come out the other side of this trip having fresh perspectives, new creative ideas, and a deeper understanding of life, and myself.”

In my experience, shrooms and acid have a lot of similar effects – you can read about my experience with shrooms here.

In short, it, too, is an ego dissolver.

For me, it’s a complete refresh. It re-centers me and re-reminds me of who I truly am, and what’s important in life.

I also didn’t try acid till later in life, at 29, which I’m thankful for because I don’t think I would have fully appreciated its incredible effects had I done it growing up.

In short, after I tried acid, I felt like I truly understood life.

Before I get into my latest experience, here’s the vibe I get into BEFORE ingesting it…

  • Make sure I’m in an environment that’s super comfortable. For me, most of the time, that’s either at my house, a close friend’s house, or an AirBNB with a trusted trip buddy. I want to feel at home, peaceful and relaxed. I also want to make sure my environment is clean, clutter-free, and overall just PLEASANT.
    • I only recommend taking acid in a public place (like, say, a music festival, or a public park) as a seasoned taker. I can feel weird around other people because I just know they’re not on the same “plane of existence” as me when I’m on it, if that makes sense. As in, when I’m on acid, I’m processing my thoughts differently. It can be an uncomfortable feeling when I’m around other people who aren’t on it. I feel like an alien. I do have enough of a grip on myself to be fine with that, but I just prefer to not.
      • I make my environment super duper vibe-y. For me, what that looks like is:

 

        • Pre-stocking the fridge with fresh fruit (I don’t usually want to eat when I’m on acid, but in my experience, when I do, it’s SWEET food). Yes, candy tastes FANTASTIC on it, but as a healthy person, fruit like crisp grapes, strawberries and other berries are SO GOOD.

 

        • Having fun activities to do. Video games are SO fun. Coloring books. Board games (ones that don’t require much strategic thinking). Puzzles. Netflix.

 

        • Music! I love to hook my phone up to a Bluetooth speaker with my favorite music. Jazz and trippy electronic is pretty cool for this excursion.

 

        • I LOVE having piles of comfy stuff to just roll around on (I’m a cuddle bug by nature and like to be cozy, so this is my JAM). Stuff like lots of fuzzy blankets to lay out on on the floor, big squishy pillows, etc. I am known to literally make pillow/blanket forts in this state.

 

        • Lighting! I prefer to do acid at night. It’s just…vibier, is the best way I can describe it. I have a galaxy star projector light and a few other colorful lights I love to turn on for my trip.

 

  • Make sure nobody is going to be coming over other than the people who are joining me for my trip, who are always close, trusted friends. If I want to make it a group thing, I always make sure I have a chill crew of people who are on the same wavelength for this kind of endeavor.

 

  • UNPLUG. Phone goes on airplane mode ALL day (in my experience, too, when I even try to look at my phone when I’m on psychedelics, I’m repulsed by how tethered I am to reality and don’t even WANT to be on it. LOL). I swear this is my subconscious talking to me. The idea with acid is to COMPLETELY let go and be present in the moment.

 

  • Wear a cozy ‘fit. Catch me in a giant t-shirt and/or hoodie, leggings, socks and…that’s it! I ALWAYS want to be as comfy as possible.

 

  • Clear out my schedule. On a trip day, I am completely unplugged, with absolutely nowhere to go and no responsibilities for that day, or the next (if I’m doing it at night).

 

  • If I’m with friends who have done it many times before and CAN handle their shit if, let’s say, god forbid there’s an emergency, then I’m good to do it with just all of you. When, however, I was brand new to acid, and the people I was with were, too, I would always get a sober friend to come hang for the day to be the grounding force among everyone.

 

  • Deal with anything going on in my life. If I have something that’s pissing me off, or I’m sad…if I’m feeling anything other than GOOD, I make sure to deal with whatever’s bugging me head on and sort through it. Often, I do this DURING a trip. Something to always remember that I keep in mind is that whatever is in me, if I’m burying anything, it WILL come up. So I’m ALWAYS mindful of that. And that’s NOT a bad thing, but it’s something that’s important to keep in mind. But, once I sort through it, no matter what that looks like, it always feels like a massive weight has been lifted off me. Like I can breathe again. Processing my bullshit is SO freeing.

 

  • Stay hydrated all day. No alcohol. No caffeine. Just good ol’ H2O and sparkling water.

Here’s a play-by-play of what a typical trip looks like for me:

  • Eat it. I usually have it in gel form, which is a tiny gel square that I put in my mouth and let dissolve on my tongue. I’ve also had it on dried mango, a paper square and a gummy candy. It comes in many forms.

 

  • Wait. I like to distract myself and wait for it to suddenly kick in. Usually that means I’m playing happy video games or watching a movie (colorful animated movies are the BEST). It usually takes 30 minutes or so to start feeling it.

 

  • I can tell when it’s kicking it because I start to get that butterfly sensation in my stomach. Like what happens when I’m excited…or drink coffee. TBH it kinda feels like both at the same time.

 

    • I can also tell when it’s kicking in because everything becomes fucking hilarious. I just start laughing at EVERYTHING. Like, I can control myself, and I’m in my right frame of mind, but I just THINK differently. It’s like as a kid when I used to play video games with my friends and just acted silly and giggled and had fun. Same vibes.

 

    • I LOVE playing video games and watching happy animated movies on it because the colors are REALLY cool to look at, and in this mind frame, I’m just in the moment, enjoying life, and happy. So of course, I want to play and do happy things.

 

  • I feel a general sense of warm fuzziness, well being, and bliss. The vibe I feel is just enjoying life fully in the moment, not worrying about anything, or thinking about anything. Just BEING. Every time I trip, I ALWAYS re-realize that I create problems for myself, often become too serious about things, and that anything I’m going through that’s bothersome to me isn’t actually THAT big of a deal – it’s all solvable!

 

  • Colors look REALLY cool. That’s why I love to watch bright, fun, animated, happy movies and play happy video games.

 

  • I have a general sense of awe, curiosity and appreciation for my life and all that is around me. Childlike, really. Everything is just beautiful. I ALWAYS re-realize just how good I actually do have it when I trip. This make me appreciative of all that I have already, rather than wanting more, more, more.

 

  • I’m personally a really big beauty and aesthetics person (as in, I love my environment to be really aesthetically pleasing because that’s what pleases me) so sometimes when I trip, I’ll end up redecorating my house (LMAO). It’s like I just happen to notice where certain pieces don’t work well together, or where a decorative fixture would look better in a different room. That kind of thing. It’s like a surge of creativity just rushes me.

 

My trips always last around 8 hours. Being the early bird that I am, if I’m taking it at night, I’ll take it at around 4PM so it tapers off at a decent hour so I can go to sleep after and not fuck up my sleep schedule. I’ve taken it too late a few times and ended up staying up all night, which I try to avoid.

The effects I shared are stronger at first, and then come in waves, eventually slowing down and tapering off. I remember the first time I ever took it, waking up the next day and just having a brand new sense of understanding of life and wisdom surrounding my existence…what I’m here to do and what makes me genuinely happy, as well as a newly-found confidence in myself and my what I’m truly capable of. It was a beautiful experience that I’ll never forget.

And, no hangover! As long as I get a good night’s sleep, I wake up the next day feeling blissful, recharged, refreshed and creative AF.

Just like shrooms, before trying LSD for the first time, I was under the impression that it would make me hallucinate and see shit that wasn’t there, and completely lose myself. None of which was the case. I’m always well aware of exactly what’s going on and can handle myself just fine. I just think differently, is all. My perspective changes.

It’s an incredibly consciousness-expanding experience that I will keep revisiting for the rest of my life.

 

xo, alix

SCARY STORIES TO TELL BEFORE BED: THE GUY WHO BEAT HIS MEAT ON THE HIGHWAY

 

 

Once upon a time, there was a man called Daniel. Daniel was in his early 40’s, lived in San Francisco, worked in a fancy finance office and wore a suit to work every day. Daniel also loved to spend many an afternoon at the office with his door locked.

What sketchy tomfoolery was Daniel up to while he was on the clock, might you ask?

Daniel may have been a boss, but that didn’t mean he followed all the rules. In fact, Daniel liked to live on the edge. Because if he didn’t, why would he lock his office door every afternoon and lower his voice?

In fact, Daniel’s fancy job could have vanished in an instant, had his boss known what he was doing behind closed doors. 

Daniel was indulging in one of his favorite vices: Cam girls. 

Specifically, me. 

On the other side of his webcam, I sat, fully clothed in a red lace teddy and matching bathrobe, while Daniel…well, let’s just say he wasn’t wearing pants. 

While this charade was going down, Daniel would also, with a full force that was palpable from across the computer screen (but somehow still super quiet) tell me in full detail of his ultimate fantasy: 

He wanted to take me to dinner at a gorgeous 5 star restaurant. At this fantasy dinner, he wanted me to wear a TINY microdress suitable for a strip club and 7 inch heels.

He would go on to tell me how much he adored “bimbo” girls who dressed like that in public, and how that dinner would just be THE SLUTTIEST DINNER EVER. 

LITERALLY those words. 

So I would basically repeat over and over again, during our 20ish minute cam sessions, how “UNBELIEVABLY SLUTTY THIS DINNER WOULD BE.”

In fact, it would be the SLUTTIEST, KINKIEST DINNER MAN HAS EVER KNOWN. 

The more I said, “slutty dinner,” the more he would beg me to say it again. 

So I’d continue to tell him “HOW SLUTTY MY DRESS WAS AND HOW MUCH OF A BIMBO I AM AND HOW UNBELIEVABLY SLUTTY THIS DINNER WAS. BY FAR THE SLUTTIEST DINNER I’VE EVER HAD!”

At which he would finish the task at hand.

All over his keyboard. 

The last time I ever heard from Daniel?

He called me to inform me he was driving his new sports car down the coast, on his way to a nice dinner (I wondered if it was a slutty one). 

But that wasn’t all. 

On his way to dinner, while driving his new whip, Daniel was also…driving his new whip. 

As in, beating his meat. 

While he was going 70MPH down a major highway. 

And of course he wanted to get ME on the phone so I could have a front row seat to…

that (????) 

So, I spent the duration of his journey to the dinner (I was REAL curious as to who this man hung out with in real life) on the phone with Daniel, yelling at how “UNBELIEVABLY SLUTTY HIS DINNER WOULD BE AND HOW IT BETTER NOT BE SLUTTIER THAN THE FANTASY DINNER I WOULD HAVE WITH HIM LATER BECAUSE I WOULD BE UPSET.”

I’m assuming Daniel got his rocks off, because eventually I heard a click.

And then I never heard from him again. 

I hope he at least made it to that dinner. 

welp. 

 

xo, al 

 

SCARY STORIES TO TELL BEFORE BED: THE GUY WHO JUST WANTED TO TALK AND THEN I WROTE HIS COLLEGE THESIS

 

K so before I even get IN to this, I will preface this story with some key points. 

Being a small screen queen means I’m a fantasy and I bring fantasies to life. ALL kinds of fantasies. Feet, costumes, roleplay…you name it, I’ve done it. 

But sometimes being a small screen queen also means being a compassionate, listening ear to talk to when things get lonely or tough. I have plenty of fabulous members who I chat with on the daily on my website about life. It’s actually super duper common.

Updates about their family, their promotion at work, how they’re going through a rough patch with their best friend. Oh, I hear it ALL.

And I’m happy to do so! It’s nice to know I’m helping someone get through a tough time. 

So all that said, even back when I was a webcam model, I encountered a whole lot of “just wanting to talk-ers.” 

This one fella, however, took this particular category to a whole new level.

Brandon was a foreign student from China; a senior at a prestigious Ivy League school on the east coast. He was the quiet, shy, nerdy type, and a real friendly person. He had friends, but was also an introvert who enjoyed his alone time.

Hmm, sounds familiar. 

Anywho, Brandon was a super duper tipper in my public chat room on My Free Cams, the site I was on. One day, he PM’ed me and asked if I would be down for a Skype session. I’m thinking it would be 10 minutes.

But nope, he wanted two hours. 

TWO. HOURS. 

Of course, being the virtual stripper (of sorts) that I was, I automatically assumed he would want two hours of an adult-oriented show. Which is a LONG fucking time, P.S.

Like I said, my Skype shows are usually MAXIMUM of ten minutes. I also thought he was fucking with me. 

But nope, he wanted two hours. For real. And he also wanted to…just talk. 

Literally. So he Paypaled me my Skype rate and we talked. On Skype. For two hours. 

He was super interesting and cool. We had MANY an intelligent conversation…political debates, literature recommendations, business tips were exchanged…

Brandon went on to buy 2 hours of chat time with me around 4 times a week for a month. 

Which is, like, a LOT of time. And also a nice paycheck for me 😀

One day during one of our chats, Brandon approached me with a proposal. 

I LOVE writing (which he was well aware of after all our time spent talking). English was not his first language and he was incredibly self-conscious of the way he spoke and wrote. 

Brandon had his senior thesis deadline approaching in the next two months. 

This paper was a really big fucking deal. Like, he had to turn it in AND get a phenomenal score – this was a deciding factor as to whether he would get into his grad school of choice. 

And he wanted me to write it. 

His proposal was that he would pay me a few thou(sand). Dollars. 

And buy me a new Mac desktop computer. 

Now, please keep in mind that I have my BA in Broadcast Journalism. I’m a writer. I’m a nerd. I love to do research. I went to school to write and communicate.

So as far as I’m concerned, Brandon was doing himself a huge favor by bringing me in to this operation. 

And yes, I spent the next couple days of my life holed up in my tiny Hollywood apartment, busting out this thesis masterpiece.

Don’t get it twisted: this shit was a BEAST to write. I was cranky. I was sweating. I was cursing. But I fucking DID IT. 

Brandon followed through with his word on both accords. I got a paycheck and a computer.

He got an A.

And that’s the story of how one young promising fine lad had his college thesis written…

…by a motherfucking porn star. 

Isn’t life just a trip?

 

xo, alix