xo, alix

alix lynx, unhinged

Ask AL: Catfishing and Dating in My Line of Work

 

 

You asked, I answered! 

 

AM I BEING CATFISHED? 

Dear Alix, 

I’ve been following an actress in the adult industry on social media, and have been texting her online for several months. We text several times a day, every day. I would really love to meet her in person, and she seems to want the same thing. Every time I try to arrange a meeting, she always comes up with an excuse. My friends and family think I’m being scammed, but I truly believe she’s the real thing. I keep asking for a real life phone call or video chat but she says her management won’t allow it and she doesn’t have video on her phone. Since you’re in the adult industry I was hoping you could give me some tips. Would management keep her from talking on the phone and video chatting? Thanks in advance for any help you can give me. 

Oh, boy. My guy, I hate to break it to you, but you are definitely being catfished. I can tell you right now that no management (unless your manager is literally a pimp – in which case she’s gotta get the F out of that situation) would ever be that way. This entire situation just screams “CATFISH” to me. As an artist/entertainer, management works for you, so there would be no situation in which a manager would be that controlling around who a grown adult human is “allowed” to talk to.

The second red flag I’m seeing is all the excuses. Like, it’s one thing if it happens once, MAYBE twice, but anything beyond that just screams “BS!” 

The third red flag to me here is the fact that she “doesn’t have video on her phone.” Unless she’s using a Tracfone from the 1990’s, literally EVERY phone has a video camera on it nowadays.

Something about this entire situation has got my “This has got to be a man living in mom’s basement” radar going WAY TF OFF. 

So, my love, I am sorry to say that you are indeed being catfished. And even if this happens to be a real person, this sounds like an incredibly dramatic, weird situation you’ve gotten yourself into. I HIGHLY advise that you cut ties now and move on. It’s 2021 – dating apps and websites are fantastic, and boatloads of people use them. ESPECIALLY during this weird COVID era. It’s the new norm. Get yourself back out there, and please don’t settle for a chick who claims she doesn’t have a video camera on her phone.

 

WHAT’S THE HARDEST PART ABOUT DATING IN YOUR LINE OF WORK?

 

Dear Alix,

As a Long Islander with NY pride, I’ve followed your work for a long time. I have massive respect for artists who are passionate about their work in all mediums. What’s the hardest part about dating as an actress? Do you prefer to date people who don’t know about your work, or people who are viewers of your work? Both ends may have pros and cons, so is there one that typically works out better for you? 

YASSSS NY! Ain’t no state like this state. K, so first of all, I don’t keep my job a secret. I’m not sneaky like that, and that would just be really stupid on my end. lol. I just think that’s super deceitful (and also REALLY difficult considering literally everyone watches porn, so that would absofuckinglutely blow up in my face at some point. Best to avoid THAT situation altogether ;])

I’m a very upfront, blunt, “this is what you get, take it or leave it” type of person. What’s been most challenging in my dating life is meeting people and getting to know each other at this point in my life (vs. a person who knew me before I got into adult film) because the other person tends to go into the situation having a lot of preconceived notions of who they think I am based off of the limiting info they get from looking at my trail of internet shenanigans and what I share on social media.

What I share online is just a small part of who I am as a person overall. I’m a deep person with many, many layers (just like every other human being), and I do have parts of my life that I keep private because I like it that way. And, ultimately, adult work IS a major part of me and my life, but it’s just something that I DO. As in, it’s not all-encompassing when it comes to WHO I am.

So it’d be like if you’re dating an accountant, and you go on their Instagram page and all their content is all about numbers and accounting stuff, you know (I would hope) that they have far more depth to them and their lives aside from all the financial chatter they’re sharing on the interwebs. People tend to think that since I’m a certain way online, that must be exclusively who I am in real life. Except for in real life, my default mode is a super calm, reserved, nerdy bookworm, and I just want to have intelligent, in-depth conversations. I’m super open-minded and non-judgmental. The adult work is just an extension of my sexy side.

So in my world, that’s usually a bit of a hurdle to get over. To answer your question, I prefer to date people who do know about my work. That’s the ONLY way for me. And, frankly, anytime I’m talking to someone new, they DO know about my work because I’m very up front about it immediately. Some people are cool with it, and some are not, so it’s not too complicated. Some people can easily grasp and understand that I’m just an actress doing my job, and some can’t handle it. But the good thing is, there are billions of humans on this planet and it only takes one to just GET IT, ya know?

 

If you’d like your questions answered, you can email my team (and it’s totally anonymous, P.S.) at teamfantasyfactory@gmail.com, and I’ll be answering away right here as well as in my “Ask AL” series on Instagram Live.

 

xo, alix

 

 

 

 

 

Ask AL: Hot Branding & Biz Tips

ASK ALIX XO AIIX GRAPHIC

 

Hi.

 

So. I get bajillions of questions from you guys all day every day across all my social media platforms. SO MUCH SO that I have here for you my Ask Alix…column? Thread? Series?

Whatever you wanna call it, this is the first one and I’ll be doing this on the regular. So keep the Q’s coming and I’ll do my best to be of service to you :} 

 

DEAR ALIX,

 

  1. Your branding is FIRE. How do I make my personal branding as good as yours?

 

Awww. THANK YOU. I love hearing this because it took me a while to get it to the point where it felt precisely aligned with ME. That leads me to some golden nugget tidbits that helped me create mine…

 

  1. Take quiet time to yourself for as long as you need to (a couple hours a day for a week after work, a full day to really just let your brain GO, 20 minutes a night for a month…whatever) DISTRACTION FREE AKA NO PHONE, set yourself up in an environment that inspires you with a notebook and pen and pick your own brain. What are you passionate about? What are your favorite colors? What do you stand for? What’s most important to you in life? What makes you YOU? How would you describe your personal style? You’re basically giving yourself a space away from the noise of the world to get to know the ins and outs of exactly what makes you tick, how you want your life to be and how you want to represent yourself. 
  2. Whether it’s for personal or business, branding is everywhere. You’re branding yourself every time you have an interaction with someone and every time you get dressed in the morning. It all matters. So it’s a matter of deciding exactly how you want to be and how you want to be perceived. They’re really one and the same. But also, like, BE YOURSELF. Decide who the best version of yourself is and just be that. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.
  3. If you want people to know you for being someone who always delivers stellar services and shows up on time, you gotta walk that walk. And if you’re like me where both worlds collide (as in, you ARE your brand. Like, AL is ME. Who I am at core never changes) all that branding is just me being ME. Like the specific fonts and color schemes I use in my graphics and video creations. Like the way I talk and write. Like the way I sign off on emails. Even the scent of candles I use. Branding is being the full on embodiment of YOU, as well as your product or service. 
  4. Evolve! All that said, part of the grand scope of life means never-ending evolution. So, like, a logo I made 5 years ago I currently feel no longer best represents who I am or what I’m about. Same with the change in my appearance and demeanor. We’re all always evolving, so your brand’s gotta evolve with you, too. I recently just did an overhaul on mine to match the vibe I’m feeling in my life right now: elegant and edgy with touches of glam. It wouldn’t feel right to me if I kept all my old graphics and logos because I wanted everything to stay the same. That’s just not what I feel best represents ME anymore. I’ve grown and changed, and businesses grow and change, too. 

 

  1. What’s the best piece of advice you would give to an aspiring entrepreneur?

 

Oh, man. Just ONE is tough. But since I have to pick just one, here it is.

 

ALWAYS REMEMBER WHY. 

 

What I mean here is to get super duper self aware as to WHY you’re going to go into business for yourself in the first place. Get REALLY clear.

Like, is it because you want to be able to be in control of your own time? Is it because you really love helping people and know you have something really special to offer them? Is it because you want to be able to make boat loads of money to live life exactly as you want to, take care of your family, and buy your dream home?

(And another quick tip: If you’re not getting into business with part of your core reason being about helping people in SOME way, you’re not getting into it for the right reasons). Once you know WHY you’re going to work for yourself, that’s exactly what’s going to keep you going. 

Because let me tell you, working for yourself is NOT always easy. You’re solely responsible for delivering to yourself the exact quality of life you want. If you know what kind of business you want to start, you likely have grand visions as to where you want to be with it in a couple years, right?

So it’s your responsibility to get yourself there, no matter what it takes, to be figuring out every step of the way. That means you have to put in the work and it’s not always going to be a blast in a glass.

Having that core set of reasons to revisit every time you, ya know, have an epic meltdown (which p.s. I welcome with open arms usually a couple times a month), is what’s going to keep you sane when moments of insanity strike.

That said, if you’re committed to this way of life, there is NO greater feeling in the world than bringing your gifts and creations to life for others to enjoy. I would never, EVER choose another way of living other than where I’m at right now. If this is what you truly want, it is SO worth it. 

 

Got burning Q’s? Submit them to me here, on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, whatever! I’m everywhere. ;}

 

xo al