life Archives - xo, alix

March 10, 2023

I’m in My Chill Era

Wow has it been a HOT minute since I’ve written anything on here. Hey, hi, hello!

Wanna know what’s funny?I love writing. A LOT. And I’ve just now realized that I haven’t given myself this outlet in a while now because I’ve been so overly consumed with pumping out content on all other platforms where I know it will be consumed the most – AKA social media, AKA video format. I think I’ll forever be trying to find that happy medium between carving out time for myself to write just because and constantly staying in front of the eyes and ears of the masses in a world that’s full of infinite distractions.

Anyways…

I’ve spent the last couple of days pretty immobile with a gnarly stomach bug, and this is the first day I feel semi-human. During this being unable to physically do anything time, I did a bit of reflecting. Reflecting on who I was, who I am now and how drastically different those two people are. Especially with my new Youtube series, “Behind the Small Screen,” rolling out and having to revisit the past, it’s wild to me how much I’ve evolved and grown over the years, all for the better.

What I’ve learned in my 33 years here on earth is that life is a series of seasons. Like, when I lived in LA as a full time small screen actress from 2014-2020 (and for the billionth time, I am not retired, I just exclusively produce my own scenes now), that period of time was a long ass season of figuring out who I was, what I stood for, what I wanted out of life, and building my business.

I also experienced more of life during that time than I think most people do in their lifetimes, which is why I’m no longer surprised when people call me an “old soul.” I’m a forever student of life, but the wisdom that comes from being in the thick of all the ups and downs…highest of highs and lowest of lows… that life throws your way is a real thing.

Since moving out of LA in 2020 (it’s crazy because when it was time to move there, I just knew, and when it was time to leave there, I just knew) I’ve only continued to become happier and more content with myself and my path.

I’ve realized that it’s because I’ve only continued to learn how to trust myself and my intuition, even if it makes precisely zero sense to anyone else.

It’s because I’ve learned to have full faith and trust in the fact that my path is unfolding for me exactly as it’s meant to, even if it may not seem like it in the moment.

I look back on goals I wanted to reach years ago that I’m just now reaching, and realize that there’s no way in hell I could have handled them in the moments when I thought I wanted them.

I look on relationships that I have now that I wanted forever, and realize that the reason I have them now is because I’m able to fully handle them now with the wisdom and emotional maturity I’ve gained.

I look back on milestones that years ago I wanted to reach so badly, and realize that I didn’t reach them because that rejection was the universe’s way of protecting me from situations that I was never, ever truly meant for, and I am beyond grateful to have avoided getting what I thought I wanted in those moments.

All of this is simply because I’ve learned to love myself fully – not just the upsides, the good stuff, the happy moments, but the parts of me that I’m still working on. The imperfections. The dark places that we all have that I used to deny even existed.

And in this journey, I’ve learned to honor who I really am, and be that person. To follow my joy, and what truly lights me up. To take care of myself. To show up for myself daily, and be the best version of me that I can possibly be. Nowadays, what excites me the most is no longer a huge house party (although I am happy to come out of the woodworks once a year or so for such an excursion). It’s no longer having a VIP table at an exclusive club. It’s no longer traveling somewhere new every single weekend with the intention of escaping a life that I felt just “meh” about. It’s no longer spending copious amounts of money on the latest trendy outfits to only wear once for the sake of validating myself.

Nope, not even close. Nowadays, what lights me up on the daily is working out first thing in the morning. Donating to animal rescue organizations. Working hard, but also working smarter.Walking my dog. Spending time with my loved ones making memories. Only saying yes to things I can truly get behind and want to do. Sleeping 8 hours a night. Curling up on the couch with a good book on my Kindle. Ordering my favorite iced matcha boba latte. Immersing myself in a random forest and/or with my feet in the ocean. Spending an obnoxious amount of time trying out new beauty rituals.

What I’ve learned in my relatively short time here on Earth is this: living your life in full alignment with who you are as a good human with integrity…honoring what you truly resonate with…what truly lights you up at core…that’s happiness. And I’ve come to realize that living a low-key, calm lifestyle with spurts of adventure and fuckery thrown in the mix to keep it spicy is precisely what does it for me.

xo, alix

February 1, 2022

20 Things About Adulting I Know to Be True

Nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. Everyone is just figuring it out as they go along.
We’re all just a bunch of kids running around in adult bodies.
Figure out a way to make multiple streams of passive income for yourself so that you can make money in your sleep without having to do anything and be able to rely on other sources of money in case something happens to your main one.
Money is just a tool/neutral resource. Nothing more. Good people do good stuff with it.
We’re all fucked up in some way, shape or form because we’re all human. Best to start fixing your shit sooner than later because otherwise it WILL manifest in all different parts of your life, especially relationships, until the wounds are healed.
Everyone can benefit from therapy even if you think you might not need it.
Time is your most valuable asset. There’s no shame in hiring people for services like cleaning your house, walking your dog, doing your laundry, whatever. That just means you’re buying your own time and can use it however you please instead of doing shit that someone else can do.
Thinking you have to, or trying to, do everything yourself is detrimental to your mental health and output of whatever it is you’re working at. Each of us has a different set of skills, gifts and talents for a reason: to share them and help one another.
You’ll learn more being a practitioner of something vs. sitting in a classroom learning about it. Of course, professions like doctors are excluded ;
Deep down, everyone just wants to be loved and accepted for who they are. It’s our motivation behind literally everything we do. We fight, we go to war, we hold grudges…but ultimately, we all want the same exact thing.
What you focus on expands. Focus on the negative, you’ll be a cloud of negativity. Focus on what’s abundant, positive, expansive in your life…and more of that will flow to you.
Nearly any reality you want to create is possible for you. You just need to want it badly enough and be willing to show up for it daily at your best.
People who harm others are the ones who are hurting the most on the inside.
Everyone has an opinion. Know whose to take seriously and whose to bounce off of you.
If you want to have a blueprint of a particular path to follow in life, find someone who’s done it already and reverse engineer the framework of the steps they took to get there.
Something as small as complimenting a friend or simply saying hi out of the blue can make their day.
The smallest of day to day habits pile up quickly, and before you know it, they are what make up your life. Be intentional with all that you do.
The grass is green precisely where you decide to water it. Don’t worry about what other people are doing. Just focus on making your own tiny corner of the universe a fabulous one.
There’s no shame or greed in always wanting to do, be and have better. Life is meant to be enjoyed to its fullest.
There is no one other human being on this planet who has existed, or ever will exist, who is exactly like you. You are a thumbprint. You are something special.

June 1, 2020

How to Live the Life You WANT

Something that’s really cool:

Every one of us is a blank slate…and the kicker is, every one of us is a blank slate ALL THE TIME.

Like, I could wake up tomorrow and decide that I’m done filming adult videos forever and that I’m going move to upstate New York and become a wellness coach and also have an alpaca farm.

Don’t worry, I’m not quite there yet 😉

We all have more control over our lives than we think.

In fact, each of us has precisely 100% control over our own lives.

Terrifying, yet liberating, isn’t it?

I also firmly believe that humans tend to make things astronomically more complicated than they need to be. I still catch myself doing this!

So, let’s look at a real life example of living the life we want.

When I was laid off from my job at the PR firm I was working at in 2011-2012 (pre-porn), I immediately decided that I would no longer be available to work a job that required me to report to an office, nor would I be available to work a job that required me to work 9-5 during the week.

I decided I wanted to be my own boss because I absofuckinglutely cannot work for anybody, along with have control over my schedule as well as flexibility and the ability to be able to work from anywhere.

So when I started to search for work, I only searched for jobs I could do from home with flexible hours, thus weeding out sending my resume to any company that would want me to report there M-F, 9-5…big fat fuck that.

So basically I DECIDED and set the paradigms on what I wanted and how I wanted things to be, and arranged my life around that.

See? EASY.

Of course, you have to actually take action. Which is often the hardest part. But what’s the other option? Living a life that’s just “meh” because you’re lazy? Come on.

Even when it came to moving to LA. I was born and raised in NY. I lived there for 25 years. It’s my home.

But I had ALWAYS wanted to live in LA. I can’t explain it. I just felt this pull. I couldn’t stop thinking about moving there, even as a high schooler, plastering my walls with pictures of the PCH and Rodeo Drive.

So one day when I was 25, which is what felt like a milestone point in my life, I decided that I was only going to be fooling myself if I continued to live in NY and not even at least SEE what it would be like to live in LA.

To me, regret has always been something I’ve steered clear of. To me, nothing is worse than eternally wondering what could have been.

So I broke down all the steps I would need to take to uproot my life. Every detail from where I would want to live to how I would afford it.

And I just went for it. EVEN THOUGH most people in my life back then were telling me I was crazy and that it would never work.

I still live here, 6 years later.

You literally just gotta figure out what you want to do and then fucking do it. The key is to keep going even when shit gets hard.

And deep down…you already know.

And BTW, there’s no perfect time for anything. It’s like…if you want your life to feel a certain way and look a certain way, you HAVE to decide EXACTLY what that will be for you.

Then come up with a plan as to how you’ll get there.

Then take the leap.

There will be bumps. There will be hurdles. There will be a LOT of unknown.

But you’ve just got to trust yourself enough to know that you’ll figure it out.

You can do it.

xo, al