You asked, I answered!
MONOGAMY, POLYAMORY, SWINGER…WHICH RELATIONSHIP STYLE SUITS YOU BEST?
I’m curious which relationship style you find suits you best? Like, polyamory, monogamy with the exception of work, more of a swinging style, non-monogamy? Cheers, think you’re cool!
In my world, relationship styles are very much on a case-by-case basis. In relationships in general, it’s all about communicating with your partner and what works best for you two. Everyone is different. Everyone has different preferences, everyone has different lifestyles, everyone has different expectations.
And all of that is great! Because, believe it or not, there is no one right or wrong way to do your effing life. Like, fuck society being all “You have to do it THIS SPECIFIC WAY or it’s wrong.” I don’t play that game. So it’s a conversation. It’s communicating. It’s deciding in that particular situation what’s fair to both parties. What do both parties want? How can we come to an agreement where both people are happy? All that stuff.
That said, at this point in my life (I’m 31 and have been in the adult biz since I was 22, adult film since I was 25)…I have done the swinging thing in the past, in my 20’s. That was a fun time! It was me experimenting and having fun, which I think everyone should give a whirl if they feel so inclined. I’m not a polyamory person – I think everyone should do whatever the fuck they want to do with their own lives, but that particular lifestyle just isn’t for me.
So all that said, I’m monogamous AF in relationships. I’m GOOD with just one person. Especially after doing adult entertainment for so long and seeing and experiencing ALL kinds of wild shenanigans, having gotten the craziness out of my system, ALL I want is a traditional monogamous relationship. And that’s not going to change.
The performance that you see on camera vs. intimacy in real life is like comparing apples to oranges. They’re just SO different. When I’m filming a scene, there’s no emotional connection there. It’s me working with a partner to PERFORM so that it looks phenomenal for the viewers at home. It’s like a dance of sorts. It’s sex, but it’s not the kind of fulfilling, intimate sex that I experience with someone I’m in a relationship with. Filming a scene is like going to the office and spending the day with a colleague you work well with. You collaborate with that person and work together to deliver the best product possible, and then you go home. (In my case, anyways. I’m super professional and no-nonsense, all business, in case you haven’t figured that out already! ;])
That said, I AM super open minded. Like, I’m DOWN for funsies with my real-life romantic partner. Stuff like throwing a hot woman into the mix here and there, yeah, that’s FUN AF. I’m always down to try new things. Life is meant to be lived, after all! I take my personal relationships seriously and communication is ALWAYS top priority to make sure everyone’s on the same page.
IS IT POSSIBLE TO FALL IN LOVE ON THE INTERNET?
Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone you are chatting with on the internet? Someone you have never met in person?
Well, I’m a firm believer in the fact that anything is possible. So yes, I believe that possibility exists. However, I feel like if I were in that position, I would be guarded to a degree with my feelings and emotions until I actually got to meet that person in real life.
It’s 2021. People are ALL up on dating sites and dating apps. It’s the new norm! Hell, even sliding into people’s DMs. I know plenty of people who have made friends – and gotten dates – doing this. With people who live in different states, and even different countries. If that’s your vibe, definitely get on the phone. Definitely get on video chat. You can gauge a connection FAR greater with someone when you’re at the very least chatting with them via video vs. typing out words from behind a computer screen.
However, I still think it’s SUPER important, ESPECIALLY when it comes to dating, that you meet the person you’re talking to in real life. Multiple times. Human to human contact cannot be replaced with computers or phones. It’s crucial.
So yes, I do believe this is possible, but I also believe in proceeding with caution and making sure your relationship isn’t JUST online before you let yourself fall hard for your cyber bae.
THE VIBE OF LIFE IN LOCKDOWN
Hi, beautiful! I’m from the UK and in lockdown at the moment. Life seems to be going so slow. How are you coping with the COVID situation?
I am doing….really good. REALLY, really good. Not a day goes by where I don’t appreciate how fortunate I am to be healthy and be able to continue working. My job has been affected, but not in a detrimental way. I just switched up the way I was doing things is all. I do miss a lot of my friends, but who doesn’t? My health is my number one priority so until then, my ass is sitting at home.
So when all this madness started up last March, just like everyone else, it forced me into a state of stillness.
I decided immediately that I wasn’t comfortable going to set anymore, so I decided that I would pivot to only filming my own scenes (which I had been doing since day one of getting into the business anyways, so not a big change there).
I also decided that I was going to make the most out of this time. I’m a firm believer in the fact that while we cannot control what happens in our lives, we CAN control how we react to it. I refused to wallow in misery over what was and have a pity party. Instead, I decided that now would be the perfect time to bring to life some projects I had been wanting to for a LONG time, but had spent so long on my hamster wheel going to and from set, so they had been on the back burner.
Which is how this blog came about, as well as my merch store (shopxoalix.com), as well as a handful of other projects that you’ll see soon. 😉
I also decided to move back to the east coast. I had been considering this for a bit, even before COVID happened. I’m a different person now at 31 than I was at 25. Nowadays all I want is a low key life, peace and quiet, nature and fresh air. None of which LA could give me.
So all of that said, ultimately I’ve just elevated into a better version of myself and continue to do so every day. If anything, this entire past year just further confirmed to me that working with what you’ve got, where you are, and showing up for yourself every single day is enough. Life has never been better. And this is possible for anyone, too. It’s really all in perspective. 😉
If you’d like your questions answered, you can email my team (and it’s totally anonymous, P.S.) at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll be answering away right here as well as in my “Ask AL” series on Instagram Live.