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alix lynx, unhinged

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January 22, 2022

How Making a Living Off of My Body Has Changed Me

 

Sometimes, I think of who I would be if I hadn’t chosen the career path I did. Who I would be if I, instead, had chosen to remain in the desk job that sucked the life out of me. I can never know for sure, but I at least like to think I would have eventually reached a breaking point and decided to go into business for myself. Doing what? Who knows. I think about this, but I also think about the fact that to this day, I don’t think there was EVER a more perfect path for me. The one I’m on now is IT. 

I believe to my core that me waking up one day and deciding to go ALL IN in such a controversial career, fully knowing that that meant that I could never go work for corporate America EVER (although who knows now because it IS 2022 and people do seem to be more open minded now than ever before), ultimately deciding to fully trust in myself, saved me from living a life that was not authentic to me. It saved me from living a life as a completely different person, masking who I truly was deep down. To me, this choice was the ultimate act of liberation. It was the ultimate act of self-trust. It was the ultimate middle finger to the societal constructs that I felt so trapped in before I chose this path.

When I first got into adult entertainment – first webcamming, then adult film – I was a completely different person than I am today. I was, deep down, so lost. Desperately trying to figure out who I truly was. I had always taken care of myself as far as working out and eating well, and had always loved all things beauty, spending 5 hours at a time getting hair extensions, getting regular spray tans, Botox, filler, going shopping in my free time, etc.

And there is nothing wrong with any of the above, P.S. I still, to this day, love all of the above. But back then, at 25, it was all surface level for me. That was really all I cared about. And of course, getting into adult film, seeing myself in 4K, every single pore magnified, every flaw up close and personal…I saw it, and I “fixed” everything I didn’t like. I compared myself to other women in the industry and would get really down on myself if I weren’t booked for certain scenes, or weren’t “chosen” for special collaborations with certain production studios. For several years, my identity was wrapped solely up in how I looked and how often I was chosen by others. It was an absolute emotional roller coaster, because I had given my power away to everything outside of myself, allowing others to dictate how I felt about myself.

Needless to say, it was exhausting. I didn’t realize it while I was in it, until one day…I did. I think this was around the time that my dad passed away. That was a huge wake up call for me as far as having an extremely painful, but in your face learning lesson in the sense that life is so precious. People are so special. Our lives are so special. We are each unique, special beings with our own gifts to share with the world.

I had this realization, and then shortly after, I dabbled in psychedelics, which to me was like peeling away a fuckload of layers I had built up around myself over my entire existence. It was like I was just waking up and seeing myself and the world for exactly what it was for the first time ever. It was like I finally understood life and what it was all about. (I’m absolutely not condoning this, P.S. I’m simply sharing my personal experience).

From there, I started to completely change my lifestyle. I saw the connection between myself and other people and living creatures, and personally felt like eating meat and animal products were no longer for me. I also became more aware of the affects of what I was putting into my body and how I was treating it. I became a vegan. I stopped drinking. I stopped drinking energy drinks and eating processed food. I started being strict with myself when it came to getting a good night’s sleep every night, letting my body rest and heal itself. I started meditating every day. I started journaling again. I started seeking learning material from books, podcasts, digital courses, etc. on spirituality, which soon became a staple in my life. Nothing else, to me, made as much sense as this stuff did.

I realized that I was just this body – this vessel – that was made out of stardust and was on this huge rock hurtling through outer space at epic speeds, for just a relatively short period of time. I realized that my body and how I chose to present myself to the world was comparative to an art canvas. I realized that with all the hair extensions, beauty treatments, fashion obsessions…it was simply me choosing to present myself to the world how I felt on the inside. And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, I had much more to offer to the world than just that.

I realized that the surface level stuff is great. I firmly believe that everyone can and should express themselves truly and authentically to the world, no matter what that looks like. But I also realized that I could do that and also choose to be a better human on the inside, too. I soon became able to edit my own photos without cringing and nitpicking at myself over little flaws I would see…from being too skinny, to having a little extra weight on my thighs, to a hair extension showing, to a ripple on my breast implant, to my ugly ass bunions showing…and instead be kinder to myself, appreciating what I loved about myself, and knowing that I, like every other human, have flawed physical attributes, and not allowing that to sink me into a dark hole of depression because I am far more than just my looks.

I also became more aware of the fact that I’ve worked with so many different women. I’ve seen so many different bodies…huge fake tits, small, natural ones…filled lips to natural, thin ones…straight hair, curly hair, curvy, skinny…and I began to see that the truth was, every single one of these women, myself included, is beautiful in their own way. Every single person is beautiful in their own way. It was like I began to see the souls of others, rather than simply what was physically in front of me.

In recognizing this, I also finally understood that this was the ultimate truth, and that regardless of what trendy plastic surgery is floating around Instagram…what hair color is “in” right now…what body type is considered the “hottest” right now…that none of it actually fucking matters. It’s not that it’s “bad” or “wrong” to indulge in any of these. What matters ultimately is the intention behind it. Whether you’re doing it for you or you’re doing it because you think you need to in order to be accepted and liked. Because while the latter may seem true based on the content we’re bombarded with on social media on the daily…it’s not. And knowing all of this, for me, it’s liberating as fuck. I’m happier and free-er and more confident now than I’ve ever been in my life.

Ultimately, making a living off of my body has taught me that me existing as me is already inherently enough, and that anything I choose to do with my own body is A-OK, as long as I carry the wisdom with me that it’s something I’m doing, not who I am. Because who I am goes far, far deeper than surface level. The same is true for every single human being on this planet.

Filed in: BEAUTY, REAL TALK, WELLNESS | By xoalynx | 3 Comments

April 30, 2020

Dirty Details: Plastic Surgery and What You Need to Know

XO ALIX PLASTIC SURGERY DONE GRAPHIC

 

Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?

 

I LOVE plastic surgery.

Big fan. BIG BIG FAN. 

I wanna scream it from the rooftops.

Maybe I will if I indulge in a glass of champagne later. 

Anyways. I said it. We are all clear.

If anyone is offended by this, please leave.

We’re getting dirty in the details. No holds barred. For those who are still with me, read on. 

Short and sweet and to the point, I think plastic surgery is a god damn gift to the world and the fact that we are able to have the freedom to choose EXACTLY how we want to look is, too.

I think everyone who is an adult and a contributing member to society should be able to have the right to DECIDE how they want to express themselves, physically.

The right to DECIDE to match how they feel on the inside with the proper gear on the outside. Ya know?

Like, we only live once. Life is short. Why the fuck would you go through your entire life self-conscious and hyper-fixated on a physical “flaw” that you see in yourself when you can just nip and tuck it and be on your merry way? 

Let me make something very clear. Plastic surgery is not trivial. It’s not shameful. It’s not shallow. 

It’s freedom of choice to live your life how you want to live, being and feeling your absolute best. 

For some people, they were just born looking how they want to look and don’t want to change a damn thing. Wonderful!

For some people, physical characteristics truly don’t matter so much. That’s just fine. 

The way I view LIFE as a generality is “Live yours exactly how you want to as long as you’re not hurting anyone.” 

…And then for others, like myself, physical traits DO matter. Looking a certain way IS important. It is what it is.

I just don’t feel like I’m my best self when I, for example, am not wearing my hair extensions. Or haven’t worn makeup in 3 days. Or am wearing baggy sweatpants. When I feel my best, looks included, I AM my best. In life. In relationships. In business. In my day to day. This is a reality for me. 

It’s an extremely personal choice and is not a one-size-fits-all ordeal. 

It should also be well thought-over, properly researched and planned for, and all in all, not be taken lightly. It’s a big fucking deal and one you can’t really take back (unless you get implants).

I’ve had a lot of work done, and I will have a lot more work done in my lifetime. 

For me, going under the knife (for the first time) was to make my nose smaller. I had always found it too big for my face and also broke it jumping on a trampoline in middle school, so it was all crooked and a mess.

I was super self-conscious about it and just didn’t feel pretty. It bothered me so much that I had elective surgery, and now here we are.

I waited until I was out of college, working and living away on my own which made it way easier to go through with it being far away from those who protested my decision (like some family members).

It was a huge decision. It was also a huge purchase.

But as soon as I booked the surgery, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. In that moment I knew I had made the right choice. Same went for after I came out of surgery. Even through all the bandages I could tell the new shape and size was exactly what I had been wanting.

BEST DECISION EVER BTW. My brother recently found a photo of me with my old nose and set it as his Apple Watch background to be a dingus because it’s just SO bad. Like, I love myself and all but it was just not fitting for my face whatsoever.

One day I’ll unearth it for you so you can see. Eventually. 😉

The second time, it was for new tits. I was a small B cup and have always stored my weight in my thighs so I felt like I looked unbalanced. So I got me a pair of saline implants. And then BOOM! The new titties gave me a more voluptuous, feminine look that I wanted to have.

I’m now on pair #2 because pair #1 started doing some funky migrating – fake tits are always a gamble!

BUT THAT ASIDE…and ALL IN ALL….

I am beyond thrilled I went through with my decision to have work done. 

If you’re considering having a nip/tuck, you should BE REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE THIS IS A REALLY EXCITING TIME!

But there’s also things you should know before you dive in. In fact, there is NO diving in when it comes to having work done. It’s all about those baby steps, one pinky toe at a time, into the kiddie pool. 

 

 

1. DON’T BE CHEAP.

There are lots of other areas of your life you can get away with by being cheap. Like me wearing this adorable ribbed crop polo shirt from Forever 21. You would never guess. You do not, however, EVER want to be cheap when it comes to your body.

It’s like, a pretty important and fragile and one of a kind entity that can never be replaced.

You deserve the best.

Make sure your surgeon is licensed by the American Board of Plastic Surgery, has an absolute FUCK TON of STELLAR REVIEWS, and an absolute FUCK TON of STELLAR BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOS.

Stalk the hell out of them on social media.

If they don’t have social media, run. It’s not acceptable for someone in the line of COSMETIC WORK in 2020 to not have an Instagram!

MAJOR bonus points if you have a friend who’s been to this particular person and has nothing but raving reviews to share. And if you’re in the middle of nowhere, your best bet is to go to your nearest major city for a consult. 

CHOOSING SOMEONE IN CHARGE OF HACKING INTO YOUR COMATOSE BODY AND CHANGING HOW IT LOOKS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BARGAIN HUNT FOR.

EVER EVER EVER.

That’s just the beginning, when you’re narrowing it down to who you’re going to commit to. Just like dating.

So that means you gotta hold out for the best of the best.

And for me personally, I wouldn’t do anything overseas. I’d much rather have easy access to my loved ones and comforts of my own home after going through a major operation. 

 

2. IT’S AN INVESTMENT.

Yes, it’s thousands of dollars. It’s expensive. But if this is something you really, truly to your SOUL want, you have every right to spend it.

You’re investing in your confidence, satisfaction and happiness. For LIFE.

Speaking of these, also know that if you’ve got shit to sort out on the inside, it REALLY doesn’t matter how you look on the outside. Seriously.

As in, changing your appearance will NOT magically make you feel like your absolute best self if you’re not simultaneously working on BEING the best version of yourself. 

Beauty truly does start from within. The internal and the external go hand in hand. 

 

3. IT’S A WEIRD TIME. 

Especially if it’s your first time. You feel like a different person. I guess in some ways, you are a different person.

Like, when I got my nose done I literally woke up and had a different nose. My face looked different.

I loved it but it took time for me (and my loved ones) to get used to because it was, well, right on my face and the center of focus. You also feel super vulnerable. Only other people who have been through this will know the feeling, so there’s a sense of “alone-ness” that comes with it.

I took tremendous comfort in chatting with other women in online communities who had had the procedure done as well (I’m sure nowadays there are Facebook groups for this stuff. You just gotta do your research). I found, however, that after my first procedure that feeling was no longer present. It just FEELS weird once you’re out of surgery. Know that this is normal AF & it will pass! 

 

 

4. RECOVERY SUCKS ASS.

You’ll be swollen for a WHILE while your body heals. You’ll be bloated from the meds, weird diet and lack of movement.

You’ll often be cranky, sloth-like and feel like hot garbage.

Depending on the work you have done, you’ll have to sleep on your back like a mummy for a month. It may feel like someone is permanently sitting on your chest.

You may not be able to breathe out of your nose for 3 weeks.

You’ll be a couch potato for a couple days, realistically a couple weeks.

You’ll be fragile AF for a couple months afterwards and will have to ease your way SLOWLY back into the gym. On the bright side, you hopefully have a really dope significant other, bestie or roomie to wait on you hand and foot and feed you fresh smoothies with a straw.

When I got my nose done I was out of work for 2 weeks and came back with two black eyes that were there for a month. My tits, after I got them done the second time, were HUGE cantaloupes for a full year (I miss them TBH) before they settled in and got fluffier.

It takes a long time for your body to be fully back to its normal state.

 

5. DATE YOUR SURGEONS

When it comes to your surgeons, you gotta date a handful of them and marinate REAL good on it before making a commitment. Go to your consult armed with questions out the ying yang and REALISTIC expectations.

The key when it comes to cosmetic work is to making it look halfway believable. Like, “Did she? *Scratches head* Are those boobs real? Are those her natural cheekbones?”

You should still look like yourself. Just an enhanced version of yourself.

Pilfer through your surgeon’s before and after photos. If you wanna really get down and dirty, ask if they have any former patients willing to give their own personal testimonials to you. Go on Realself.com to start your surgeon search, make a list and check it thrice! Take your time to get a feel for each one and whether you’re comfortable with having them in charge over slicing you. 

 

6. BE STRATEGIC WITH TIMING. 

If you work full time and have paid vacation leave, your surgery is probably gonna be the time you’ll want to use that leave. If you’re in college, you’re gonna want to wait until the summertime. It’s SO much more pleasant to recover from surgeries when it’s warm and sunny outside. And more friends are usually around for me to badger about picking up my take out soup and smoothie combo. I ALWAYS get my work done in the summer.

Pro tip: the second-best time for cosmetic work is during the holiday season. You leave work for a couple weeks, hibernate, stuff your face, and come back with a new ass. That you bought. Nobody will ever know. Unless you want them to. MAGIC! 

If you work for yourself and there’s stuff you sure as shit can’t do when you’re recovering from surgery, start your game plan yesterday as to how you’re going to delegate the work.

I’m on the more neurotic end when it comes to planning for important shit like this so I also pre-order my groceries (healthy REAL foods = faster and easier recovery, FYI) and have my house cleaned spotless before going under the knife.

I also leave explicit written instructions for my aftercare with whatever friend is helping me with recovery because I’m always whacked out from the anesthesia and just wanna curl up on the couch in a blanket fort.

Just map out what needs to be done and let other humans who are involved know in order for your life to be easy as can be during all of this commotion. The LAST thing you wanna do during your recovery is have to be responsible for more than sleeping, binging Netflix and bathing yourself. 

“Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!” – who remembers this Aqua throwback?! – the bane of my childhood existence – anyways now this song is stuck in my head. lmao.

But for real. Plastic surgery is the tits if done with the right intentions and for nobody else but yourself.

If you have Q’s about going under the knife, hmu (I only play a doctor on TV but I am here to help)! 

xo al 

Filed in: BEAUTY, DIRTY DETAILS, REAL TALK | By xoalynx | 1 Comment

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