Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?

 

I LOVE plastic surgery.

Big fan. BIG BIG FAN. 

I wanna scream it from the rooftops.

Maybe I will if I indulge in a glass of champagne later. 

Anyways. I said it. We are all clear.

If anyone is offended by this, please leave.

We’re getting dirty in the details. No holds barred. For those who are still with me, read on. 

Short and sweet and to the point, I think plastic surgery is a god damn gift to the world and the fact that we are able to have the freedom to choose EXACTLY how we want to look is, too.

I think everyone who is an adult and a contributing member to society should be able to have the right to DECIDE how they want to express themselves, physically.

The right to DECIDE to match how they feel on the inside with the proper gear on the outside. Ya know?

Like, we only live once. Life is short. Why the fuck would you go through your entire life self-conscious and hyper-fixated on a physical “flaw” that you see in yourself when you can just nip and tuck it and be on your merry way? 

Let me make something very clear. Plastic surgery is not trivial. It’s not shameful. It’s not shallow. 

It’s freedom of choice to live your life how you want to live, being and feeling your absolute best. 

For some people, they were just born looking how they want to look and don’t want to change a damn thing. Wonderful!

For some people, physical characteristics truly don’t matter so much. That’s just fine. 

The way I view LIFE as a generality is “Live yours exactly how you want to as long as you’re not hurting anyone.” 

…And then for others, like myself, physical traits DO matter. Looking a certain way IS important. It is what it is.

I just don’t feel like I’m my best self when I, for example, am not wearing my hair extensions. Or haven’t worn makeup in 3 days. Or am wearing baggy sweatpants. When I feel my best, looks included, I AM my best. In life. In relationships. In business. In my day to day. This is a reality for me. 

It’s an extremely personal choice and is not a one-size-fits-all ordeal. 

It should also be well thought-over, properly researched and planned for, and all in all, not be taken lightly. It’s a big fucking deal and one you can’t really take back (unless you get implants).

I’ve had a lot of work done, and I will have a lot more work done in my lifetime. 

For me, going under the knife (for the first time) was to make my nose smaller. I had always found it too big for my face and also broke it jumping on a trampoline in middle school, so it was all crooked and a mess.

I was super self-conscious about it and just didn’t feel pretty. It bothered me so much that I had elective surgery, and now here we are.

I waited until I was out of college, working and living away on my own which made it way easier to go through with it being far away from those who protested my decision (like some family members).

It was a huge decision. It was also a huge purchase.

But as soon as I booked the surgery, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. In that moment I knew I had made the right choice. Same went for after I came out of surgery. Even through all the bandages I could tell the new shape and size was exactly what I had been wanting.

BEST DECISION EVER BTW. My brother recently found a photo of me with my old nose and set it as his Apple Watch background to be a dingus because it’s just SO bad. Like, I love myself and all but it was just not fitting for my face whatsoever.

One day I’ll unearth it for you so you can see. Eventually. 😉

The second time, it was for new tits. I was a small B cup and have always stored my weight in my thighs so I felt like I looked unbalanced. So I got me a pair of saline implants. And then BOOM! The new titties gave me a more voluptuous, feminine look that I wanted to have.

I’m now on pair #2 because pair #1 started doing some funky migrating – fake tits are always a gamble!

BUT THAT ASIDE…and ALL IN ALL….

I am beyond thrilled I went through with my decision to have work done. 

If you’re considering having a nip/tuck, you should BE REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE THIS IS A REALLY EXCITING TIME!

But there’s also things you should know before you dive in. In fact, there is NO diving in when it comes to having work done. It’s all about those baby steps, one pinky toe at a time, into the kiddie pool. 

 

 

1. DON’T BE CHEAP.

There are lots of other areas of your life you can get away with by being cheap. Like me wearing this adorable ribbed crop polo shirt from Forever 21. You would never guess. You do not, however, EVER want to be cheap when it comes to your body.

It’s like, a pretty important and fragile and one of a kind entity that can never be replaced.

You deserve the best.

Make sure your surgeon is licensed by the American Board of Plastic Surgery, has an absolute FUCK TON of STELLAR REVIEWS, and an absolute FUCK TON of STELLAR BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOS.

Stalk the hell out of them on social media.

If they don’t have social media, run. It’s not acceptable for someone in the line of COSMETIC WORK in 2020 to not have an Instagram!

MAJOR bonus points if you have a friend who’s been to this particular person and has nothing but raving reviews to share. And if you’re in the middle of nowhere, your best bet is to go to your nearest major city for a consult. 

CHOOSING SOMEONE IN CHARGE OF HACKING INTO YOUR COMATOSE BODY AND CHANGING HOW IT LOOKS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BARGAIN HUNT FOR.

EVER EVER EVER.

That’s just the beginning, when you’re narrowing it down to who you’re going to commit to. Just like dating.

So that means you gotta hold out for the best of the best.

And for me personally, I wouldn’t do anything overseas. I’d much rather have easy access to my loved ones and comforts of my own home after going through a major operation. 

 

2. IT’S AN INVESTMENT.

Yes, it’s thousands of dollars. It’s expensive. But if this is something you really, truly to your SOUL want, you have every right to spend it.

You’re investing in your confidence, satisfaction and happiness. For LIFE.

Speaking of these, also know that if you’ve got shit to sort out on the inside, it REALLY doesn’t matter how you look on the outside. Seriously.

As in, changing your appearance will NOT magically make you feel like your absolute best self if you’re not simultaneously working on BEING the best version of yourself. 

Beauty truly does start from within. The internal and the external go hand in hand. 

 

3. IT’S A WEIRD TIME. 

Especially if it’s your first time. You feel like a different person. I guess in some ways, you are a different person.

Like, when I got my nose done I literally woke up and had a different nose. My face looked different.

I loved it but it took time for me (and my loved ones) to get used to because it was, well, right on my face and the center of focus. You also feel super vulnerable. Only other people who have been through this will know the feeling, so there’s a sense of “alone-ness” that comes with it.

I took tremendous comfort in chatting with other women in online communities who had had the procedure done as well (I’m sure nowadays there are Facebook groups for this stuff. You just gotta do your research). I found, however, that after my first procedure that feeling was no longer present. It just FEELS weird once you’re out of surgery. Know that this is normal AF & it will pass! 

 

 

4. RECOVERY SUCKS ASS.

You’ll be swollen for a WHILE while your body heals. You’ll be bloated from the meds, weird diet and lack of movement.

You’ll often be cranky, sloth-like and feel like hot garbage.

Depending on the work you have done, you’ll have to sleep on your back like a mummy for a month. It may feel like someone is permanently sitting on your chest.

You may not be able to breathe out of your nose for 3 weeks.

You’ll be a couch potato for a couple days, realistically a couple weeks.

You’ll be fragile AF for a couple months afterwards and will have to ease your way SLOWLY back into the gym. On the bright side, you hopefully have a really dope significant other, bestie or roomie to wait on you hand and foot and feed you fresh smoothies with a straw.

When I got my nose done I was out of work for 2 weeks and came back with two black eyes that were there for a month. My tits, after I got them done the second time, were HUGE cantaloupes for a full year (I miss them TBH) before they settled in and got fluffier.

It takes a long time for your body to be fully back to its normal state.

 

5. DATE YOUR SURGEONS

When it comes to your surgeons, you gotta date a handful of them and marinate REAL good on it before making a commitment. Go to your consult armed with questions out the ying yang and REALISTIC expectations.

The key when it comes to cosmetic work is to making it look halfway believable. Like, “Did she? *Scratches head* Are those boobs real? Are those her natural cheekbones?”

You should still look like yourself. Just an enhanced version of yourself.

Pilfer through your surgeon’s before and after photos. If you wanna really get down and dirty, ask if they have any former patients willing to give their own personal testimonials to you. Go on Realself.com to start your surgeon search, make a list and check it thrice! Take your time to get a feel for each one and whether you’re comfortable with having them in charge over slicing you. 

 

6. BE STRATEGIC WITH TIMING. 

If you work full time and have paid vacation leave, your surgery is probably gonna be the time you’ll want to use that leave. If you’re in college, you’re gonna want to wait until the summertime. It’s SO much more pleasant to recover from surgeries when it’s warm and sunny outside. And more friends are usually around for me to badger about picking up my take out soup and smoothie combo. I ALWAYS get my work done in the summer.

Pro tip: the second-best time for cosmetic work is during the holiday season. You leave work for a couple weeks, hibernate, stuff your face, and come back with a new ass. That you bought. Nobody will ever know. Unless you want them to. MAGIC! 

If you work for yourself and there’s stuff you sure as shit can’t do when you’re recovering from surgery, start your game plan yesterday as to how you’re going to delegate the work.

I’m on the more neurotic end when it comes to planning for important shit like this so I also pre-order my groceries (healthy REAL foods = faster and easier recovery, FYI) and have my house cleaned spotless before going under the knife.

I also leave explicit written instructions for my aftercare with whatever friend is helping me with recovery because I’m always whacked out from the anesthesia and just wanna curl up on the couch in a blanket fort.

Just map out what needs to be done and let other humans who are involved know in order for your life to be easy as can be during all of this commotion. The LAST thing you wanna do during your recovery is have to be responsible for more than sleeping, binging Netflix and bathing yourself. 

“Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!” – who remembers this Aqua throwback?! – the bane of my childhood existence – anyways now this song is stuck in my head. lmao.

But for real. Plastic surgery is the tits if done with the right intentions and for nobody else but yourself.

If you have Q’s about going under the knife, hmu (I only play a doctor on TV but I am here to help)! 

xo al