xo, alix

alix lynx, unhinged

I’m in My Chill Era

 

Wow has it been a HOT minute since I’ve written anything on here. Hey, hi, hello!

Wanna know what’s funny?I love writing. A LOT. And I’ve just now realized that I haven’t given myself this outlet in a while now because I’ve been so overly consumed with pumping out content on all other platforms where I know it will be consumed the most – AKA social media, AKA video format. I think I’ll forever be trying to find that happy medium between carving out time for myself to write just because and constantly staying in front of the eyes and ears of the masses in a world that’s full of infinite distractions.

Anyways…

I’ve spent the last couple of days pretty immobile with a gnarly stomach bug, and this is the first day I feel semi-human. During this being unable to physically do anything time, I did a bit of reflecting. Reflecting on who I was, who I am now and how drastically different those two people are. Especially with my new Youtube series, “Behind the Small Screen,” rolling out and having to revisit the past, it’s wild to me how much I’ve evolved and grown over the years, all for the better.

What I’ve learned in my 33 years here on earth is that life is a series of seasons. Like, when I lived in LA as a full time small screen actress from 2014-2020 (and for the billionth time, I am not retired, I just exclusively produce my own scenes now), that period of time was a long ass season of figuring out who I was, what I stood for, what I wanted out of life, and building my business.

I also experienced more of life during that time than I think most people do in their lifetimes, which is why I’m no longer surprised when people call me an “old soul.” I’m a forever student of life, but the wisdom that comes from being in the thick of all the ups and downs…highest of highs and lowest of lows… that life throws your way is a real thing.

Since moving out of LA in 2020 (it’s crazy because when it was time to move there, I just knew, and when it was time to leave there, I just knew) I’ve only continued to become happier and more content with myself and my path.

I’ve realized that it’s because I’ve only continued to learn how to trust myself and my intuition, even if it makes precisely zero sense to anyone else.

It’s because I’ve learned to have full faith and trust in the fact that my path is unfolding for me exactly as it’s meant to, even if it may not seem like it in the moment.

I look back on goals I wanted to reach years ago that I’m just now reaching, and realize that there’s no way in hell I could have handled them in the moments when I thought I wanted them.

I look on relationships that I have now that I wanted forever, and realize that the reason I have them now is because I’m able to fully handle them now with the wisdom and emotional maturity I’ve gained.

I look back on milestones that years ago I wanted to reach so badly, and realize that I didn’t reach them because that rejection was the universe’s way of protecting me from situations that I was never, ever truly meant for, and I am beyond grateful to have avoided getting what I thought I wanted in those moments.

All of this is simply because I’ve learned to love myself fully – not just the upsides, the good stuff, the happy moments, but the parts of me that I’m still working on. The imperfections. The dark places that we all have that I used to deny even existed.

And in this journey, I’ve learned to honor who I really am, and be that person. To follow my joy, and what truly lights me up. To take care of myself. To show up for myself daily, and be the best version of me that I can possibly be. Nowadays, what excites me the most is no longer a huge house party (although I am happy to come out of the woodworks once a year or so for such an excursion). It’s no longer having a VIP table at an exclusive club. It’s no longer traveling somewhere new every single weekend with the intention of escaping a life that I felt just “meh” about. It’s no longer spending copious amounts of money on the latest trendy outfits to only wear once for the sake of validating myself.

Nope, not even close. Nowadays, what lights me up on the daily is working out first thing in the morning. Donating to animal rescue organizations. Working hard, but also working smarter.Walking my dog. Spending time with my loved ones making memories. Only saying yes to things I can truly get behind and want to do. Sleeping 8 hours a night. Curling up on the couch with a good book on my Kindle. Ordering my favorite iced matcha boba latte. Immersing myself in a random forest and/or with my feet in the ocean. Spending an obnoxious amount of time trying out new beauty rituals.

What I’ve learned in my relatively short time here on Earth is this: living your life in full alignment with who you are as a good human with integrity…honoring what you truly resonate with…what truly lights you up at core…that’s happiness. And I’ve come to realize that living a low-key, calm lifestyle with spurts of adventure and fuckery thrown in the mix to keep it spicy is precisely what does it for me.

xo, alix

Am I Crazy?!

 

 

 

I question myself almost daily if I’m crazy. From what I’ve gathered, having had many chats with fellow content creators and those who took the entrepreneurial route – this is completely normal.

It’s funny, because people look at me and my life, and from the outside looking in, it seems like I’ve done pretty damn well for myself. Which I have. But with that knowledge comes the blessing and curse of knowing that I can always do better.

I constantly feel like I’m waking up every day with a blank slate, and I’m the only one who’s in charge of figuring out what the next move is. Talk about pressure.

I constantly feel like I’m multitasking and have five billion projects going on all at once, and it’s more often than not that it feels like my brain is on information overload mode, ready to explode.

I’m constantly judging myself and picking myself apart, finding ways in which I can do and be even better than I was the day before. And sometimes, it gets dark. It’s definitely not uncommon for me to have a full-on meltdown a couple times a month when life gets too overwhelming.

What’s also funny is that people think that being a full-time content creator is easy work. And yes, when you love what you do, as I do, most of the time it really doesn’t feel like work. I take that as the indicator that I’m on the right path. But don’t get me wrong. I also work harder at this point in my life than I ever have before.  It takes a ton of help from my team in staying organized. It takes a ton of back and forth emails, calls, texts at all hours. It takes a ton of discipline. It takes a ton of planning. It takes a ton of creative juice. And sometimes, it just gets to be a lot. So much so that sometimes I fantasize about just throwing in the towel and becoming a librarian. I kid, but it has crossed my mind!

What’s interesting is that I noticed that my anxiety over life in general got way worse when I decided to stop doing adult film full time on studio sets and switched to just being an independent content creator, meaning that I was now officially fully responsible for all of my income and all of my growth. No more agents sending me to set where I would be told what to do and leaving with a paycheck.

Now, my success was officially all on me. Once again, the pressure! But what’s also interesting is that while, in many ways, life got a lot more difficult…it also got a lot better. I can’t deny that at this point in my life, I’m happier than I have ever been.

I needed that separation from being immersed in work 24/7, because being the work-obsessed lady I am and living in LA…that was all I did, living right next door to tons of fellow performers & studios & sets. I needed that extra breathing room to actually take time and create a life – a real life – for myself, behind the small screen. One that I could retreat into, and just be myself.

I needed that extra time not spent on set to figure out my next moves. To grow and expand into exciting new projects and ventures that I otherwise would have put on the back burner. Venturing out of my comfort zone has both absolutely terrifying and wildly exciting.

And as each day passes, I notice that there are more and more brand-new challenges that I haven’t ever faced before. Each day I have a new small fire to put out. Each day I learn something new that completely changes my perspective on any given topic. Each day I realize that I really don’t know all that much, and that I have a lot to learn.

I’ve also realized this: I wouldn’t have my life any other way other than what it is now. I truly know and believe to the core of my soul that the universe doesn’t present me with any challenge or task that I am not ready for. I truly know and believe that each of us are exactly where we need to be in this very moment, learning the lessons that we need to learn. I truly know and believe that life is happening for us. That each mistake made is a teachable moment. That I could not live my life as my absolute best and highest self if I were busy carving out the dreams of others rather than my own.

I’ve come to the conclusion that working for yourself is for sure not for everyone, but for those who feel called to take this path…you gotta trust your gut and just dive in headfirst, just like I did. It’s a nonstop rollercoaster of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It’s the biggest lesson is personal development ever. It’s a complete mind fuck. It’s fucking fun, and rewarding, and empowering to be in complete control over my own destiny. And while that may very well make me crazy, I still wouldn’t change it for the world.

F the Joneses

 

Fuck EVERYTHING about the Joneses.

Like, who even are these people and why, at some point in our lives, did we find ourselves scrambling to buy the next cool gadget and then the next cool gadget and then the next one and the next…just to show these people nobody seems to know that we’ve got everything so therefore we’re really super duper mega cool.

But secretly we’re broke as fuck, living paycheck to paycheck and have $400 to our name. 

Lemme back up here REAL quick, though. Look. I LOVE expensive shit. I am the queen of wearing a Forever 21 ensemble paired with a fabulous designer handbag and equally fabulous designer jacket. I drive a luxury car.

I’m not sharing this to brag.

I’m sharing this because I DO THIS THING that entails bringing nice things and experiences into my life because they make me feel good. Because it’s precisely ME and MY STYLE and how I’ve done things since the beginning of time.

I like what I like and I do shit because I want to… to impress MYSELF and reward MYSELF for all my hard work.

I am who I am and it is what it is. 

So anyways, there’s a difference between treating yourself to high quality luxury items that you adore and will cherish forever and that help elevate you to be your best self in life…(let’s be real, I feel MUCH more Queen-like driving my gorgeous car with [vegan] leather interior, ventilated seats and backup cam than I ever did driving my 2005 Toyota Corolla with hand-crank windows)… 

…and rushing out to buy the latest iPhone solely because all your friends have it and if you don’t have the same phone you will literally die.

As in, you feel like you HAVE to have this phone or you won’t fit in and people will make fun of you. THAT is the nonsense I’m talking about.

Because THAT kind of behavior is toxic as fuck.

Once again, I’m not here to judge.

That’s the culture we as Americans were raised in. It takes a whole lot of consistent, conscious effort and discipline to UNLEARN a lifetime’s worth of knowledge and learn how to see that this whole existence is a total sham and to NOT live that way. 

In fact, I only feel 10000% comfortable speaking on this because I am a former one of THOSE PEOPLE. High school and college me would go out and blow entire week-long paychecks at Abercrombie and Fitch solely to wear the same clothes as everyone else and fit in.

Which, obviously, it was never my clothes that made me fit in. It was ME. I just felt, at the time, that I needed to BE like everyone else in order for people to like me.

Ew, right?!?

Keeping up with the Joneses doesn’t just apply to buying shit you don’t need, though. It also applies to stuff like…

Feeling like you need to get married because you’re at the age where it seems like everyone else around you is doing it. 

Feeling like you need to have a kid right now because everyone else is doing it. THAT kind of thing. 

All I have to say to this is…

 

 

IN ALL CAPS. 

Seriously. FUCK the Joneses. How about you live your life EXACTLY the way YOU want to. How about you put your blinders WAY the fuck up and get quiet with yourself.

Make it a point to spend time alone daily to give yourself time to let your mind wander, think and let it tell you what it wants.

FAR AWAY FROM THE INFLUENCE OF OTHER PEOPLE.

It doesn’t MATTER that all your BFF’s from college are now married with 2 kids. If that sounds like a royal nightmare to you at this point in your life, IT’S FINE.

THAT JUST MEANS DON’T DO ANY OF THAT NOW BECAUSE THAT’S NOT YOUR PATH AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE. 

If you decide, out of fear, that you HAVE to get married now or that you HAVE to have a kid now or that you HAVE to be a doctor because it’s expected of you because that’s what generations of your family have done…

You’re setting yourself for a lifetime of dreams that will remain repressed in you for eternity. And believe me, you will FEEL that. Maybe not right away, but trust me. They’ll emerge. 

You can’t kid yourself. 

You’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of wondering what would have happened if only you had followed your heart and done that THING that you always wanted to do. 

You’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of running on a hamster wheel, always chasing after the next thing and the next thing and the next thing, and wondering why you never fully feel satisfied. 

You’ll feel satisfied when you figure out what it is in life that TRULY lights you up. Whether that be being a kickass caretaker or CEO. When you figure out what makes YOU TRULY HAPPY and consistently do that.

You’ll feel satisfied when you understand that you already have everything you need in you to be happy, if only you get quiet with yourself enough to give it time to emerge. 

Because chasing external THINGS that you think will make you happy…

Because they’re supposed to make you happy. 

Because you think you’ll be happy when you’re just like everyone else…

Is a BEAUTIFUL recipe for disaster. 

Fuck the Joneses. Live your life as YOU. No matter what that looks like. 

 

xo, alix