real talk Archives

May 26, 2020

F the Joneses

Fuck EVERYTHING about the Joneses.

Like, who even are these people and why, at some point in our lives, did we find ourselves scrambling to buy the next cool gadget and then the next cool gadget and then the next one and the next…just to show these people nobody seems to know that we’ve got everything so therefore we’re really super duper mega cool.

But secretly we’re broke as fuck, living paycheck to paycheck and have $400 to our name.

Lemme back up here REAL quick, though. Look. I LOVE expensive shit. I am the queen of wearing a Forever 21 ensemble paired with a fabulous designer handbag and equally fabulous designer jacket. I drive a luxury car.

I’m not sharing this to brag.

I’m sharing this because I DO THIS THING that entails bringing nice things and experiences into my life because they make me feel good. Because it’s precisely ME and MY STYLE and how I’ve done things since the beginning of time.

I like what I like and I do shit because I want to… to impress MYSELF and reward MYSELF for all my hard work.

I am who I am and it is what it is.

So anyways, there’s a difference between treating yourself to high quality luxury items that you adore and will cherish forever and that help elevate you to be your best self in life…(let’s be real, I feel MUCH more Queen-like driving my gorgeous car with [vegan] leather interior, ventilated seats and backup cam than I ever did driving my 2005 Toyota Corolla with hand-crank windows)…

…and rushing out to buy the latest iPhone solely because all your friends have it and if you don’t have the same phone you will literally die.

As in, you feel like you HAVE to have this phone or you won’t fit in and people will make fun of you. THAT is the nonsense I’m talking about.

Because THAT kind of behavior is toxic as fuck.

Once again, I’m not here to judge.

That’s the culture we as Americans were raised in. It takes a whole lot of consistent, conscious effort and discipline to UNLEARN a lifetime’s worth of knowledge and learn how to see that this whole existence is a total sham and to NOT live that way.

In fact, I only feel 10000% comfortable speaking on this because I am a former one of THOSE PEOPLE. High school and college me would go out and blow entire week-long paychecks at Abercrombie and Fitch solely to wear the same clothes as everyone else and fit in.

Which, obviously, it was never my clothes that made me fit in. It was ME. I just felt, at the time, that I needed to BE like everyone else in order for people to like me.

Ew, right?!?

Keeping up with the Joneses doesn’t just apply to buying shit you don’t need, though. It also applies to stuff like…

Feeling like you need to get married because you’re at the age where it seems like everyone else around you is doing it.

Feeling like you need to have a kid right now because everyone else is doing it. THAT kind of thing.

All I have to say to this is…

IN ALL CAPS.

Seriously. FUCK the Joneses. How about you live your life EXACTLY the way YOU want to. How about you put your blinders WAY the fuck up and get quiet with yourself.

Make it a point to spend time alone daily to give yourself time to let your mind wander, think and let it tell you what it wants.

FAR AWAY FROM THE INFLUENCE OF OTHER PEOPLE.

It doesn’t MATTER that all your BFF’s from college are now married with 2 kids. If that sounds like a royal nightmare to you at this point in your life, IT’S FINE.

THAT JUST MEANS DON’T DO ANY OF THAT NOW BECAUSE THAT’S NOT YOUR PATH AT THIS POINT IN YOUR LIFE.

If you decide, out of fear, that you HAVE to get married now or that you HAVE to have a kid now or that you HAVE to be a doctor because it’s expected of you because that’s what generations of your family have done…

You’re setting yourself for a lifetime of dreams that will remain repressed in you for eternity. And believe me, you will FEEL that. Maybe not right away, but trust me. They’ll emerge.

You can’t kid yourself.

You’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of wondering what would have happened if only you had followed your heart and done that THING that you always wanted to do.

You’re setting yourself up for a lifetime of running on a hamster wheel, always chasing after the next thing and the next thing and the next thing, and wondering why you never fully feel satisfied.

You’ll feel satisfied when you figure out what it is in life that TRULY lights you up. Whether that be being a kickass caretaker or CEO. When you figure out what makes YOU TRULY HAPPY and consistently do that.

You’ll feel satisfied when you understand that you already have everything you need in you to be happy, if only you get quiet with yourself enough to give it time to emerge.

Because chasing external THINGS that you think will make you happy…

Because they’re supposed to make you happy.

Because you think you’ll be happy when you’re just like everyone else…

Is a BEAUTIFUL recipe for disaster.

Fuck the Joneses. Live your life as YOU. No matter what that looks like.

xo, alix

April 30, 2020

Dirty Details: Plastic Surgery and What You Need to Know

Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we?

I LOVE plastic surgery.

Big fan. BIG BIG FAN.

I wanna scream it from the rooftops.

Maybe I will if I indulge in a glass of champagne later.

Anyways. I said it. We are all clear.

If anyone is offended by this, please leave.

We’re getting dirty in the details. No holds barred. For those who are still with me, read on.

Short and sweet and to the point, I think plastic surgery is a god damn gift to the world and the fact that we are able to have the freedom to choose EXACTLY how we want to look is, too.

I think everyone who is an adult and a contributing member to society should be able to have the right to DECIDE how they want to express themselves, physically.

The right to DECIDE to match how they feel on the inside with the proper gear on the outside. Ya know?

Like, we only live once. Life is short. Why the fuck would you go through your entire life self-conscious and hyper-fixated on a physical “flaw” that you see in yourself when you can just nip and tuck it and be on your merry way?

Let me make something very clear. Plastic surgery is not trivial. It’s not shameful. It’s not shallow.

It’s freedom of choice to live your life how you want to live, being and feeling your absolute best.

For some people, they were just born looking how they want to look and don’t want to change a damn thing. Wonderful!

For some people, physical characteristics truly don’t matter so much. That’s just fine.

The way I view LIFE as a generality is “Live yours exactly how you want to as long as you’re not hurting anyone.”

…And then for others, like myself, physical traits DO matter. Looking a certain way IS important. It is what it is.

I just don’t feel like I’m my best self when I, for example, am not wearing my hair extensions. Or haven’t worn makeup in 3 days. Or am wearing baggy sweatpants. When I feel my best, looks included, I AM my best. In life. In relationships. In business. In my day to day. This is a reality for me.

It’s an extremely personal choice and is not a one-size-fits-all ordeal.

It should also be well thought-over, properly researched and planned for, and all in all, not be taken lightly. It’s a big fucking deal and one you can’t really take back (unless you get implants).

I’ve had a lot of work done, and I will have a lot more work done in my lifetime.

For me, going under the knife (for the first time) was to make my nose smaller. I had always found it too big for my face and also broke it jumping on a trampoline in middle school, so it was all crooked and a mess.

I was super self-conscious about it and just didn’t feel pretty. It bothered me so much that I had elective surgery, and now here we are.

I waited until I was out of college, working and living away on my own which made it way easier to go through with it being far away from those who protested my decision (like some family members).

It was a huge decision. It was also a huge purchase.

But as soon as I booked the surgery, it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. In that moment I knew I had made the right choice. Same went for after I came out of surgery. Even through all the bandages I could tell the new shape and size was exactly what I had been wanting.

BEST DECISION EVER BTW. My brother recently found a photo of me with my old nose and set it as his Apple Watch background to be a dingus because it’s just SO bad. Like, I love myself and all but it was just not fitting for my face whatsoever.

One day I’ll unearth it for you so you can see. Eventually. 😉

The second time, it was for new tits. I was a small B cup and have always stored my weight in my thighs so I felt like I looked unbalanced. So I got me a pair of saline implants. And then BOOM! The new titties gave me a more voluptuous, feminine look that I wanted to have.

I’m now on pair #2 because pair #1 started doing some funky migrating – fake tits are always a gamble!

BUT THAT ASIDE…and ALL IN ALL….

I am beyond thrilled I went through with my decision to have work done.

If you’re considering having a nip/tuck, you should BE REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE THIS IS A REALLY EXCITING TIME!

But there’s also things you should know before you dive in. In fact, there is NO diving in when it comes to having work done. It’s all about those baby steps, one pinky toe at a time, into the kiddie pool.

1. DON’T BE CHEAP.

There are lots of other areas of your life you can get away with by being cheap. Like me wearing this adorable ribbed crop polo shirt from Forever 21. You would never guess. You do not, however, EVER want to be cheap when it comes to your body.

It’s like, a pretty important and fragile and one of a kind entity that can never be replaced.

You deserve the best.

Make sure your surgeon is licensed by the American Board of Plastic Surgery, has an absolute FUCK TON of STELLAR REVIEWS, and an absolute FUCK TON of STELLAR BEFORE AND AFTER PHOTOS.

Stalk the hell out of them on social media.

If they don’t have social media, run. It’s not acceptable for someone in the line of COSMETIC WORK in 2020 to not have an Instagram!

MAJOR bonus points if you have a friend who’s been to this particular person and has nothing but raving reviews to share. And if you’re in the middle of nowhere, your best bet is to go to your nearest major city for a consult.

CHOOSING SOMEONE IN CHARGE OF HACKING INTO YOUR COMATOSE BODY AND CHANGING HOW IT LOOKS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BARGAIN HUNT FOR.

EVER EVER EVER.

That’s just the beginning, when you’re narrowing it down to who you’re going to commit to. Just like dating.

So that means you gotta hold out for the best of the best.

And for me personally, I wouldn’t do anything overseas. I’d much rather have easy access to my loved ones and comforts of my own home after going through a major operation.

2. IT’S AN INVESTMENT.

Yes, it’s thousands of dollars. It’s expensive. But if this is something you really, truly to your SOUL want, you have every right to spend it.

You’re investing in your confidence, satisfaction and happiness. For LIFE.

Speaking of these, also know that if you’ve got shit to sort out on the inside, it REALLY doesn’t matter how you look on the outside. Seriously.

As in, changing your appearance will NOT magically make you feel like your absolute best self if you’re not simultaneously working on BEING the best version of yourself.

Beauty truly does start from within. The internal and the external go hand in hand.

3. IT’S A WEIRD TIME.

Especially if it’s your first time. You feel like a different person. I guess in some ways, you are a different person.

Like, when I got my nose done I literally woke up and had a different nose. My face looked different.

I loved it but it took time for me (and my loved ones) to get used to because it was, well, right on my face and the center of focus. You also feel super vulnerable. Only other people who have been through this will know the feeling, so there’s a sense of “alone-ness” that comes with it.

I took tremendous comfort in chatting with other women in online communities who had had the procedure done as well (I’m sure nowadays there are Facebook groups for this stuff. You just gotta do your research). I found, however, that after my first procedure that feeling was no longer present. It just FEELS weird once you’re out of surgery. Know that this is normal AF & it will pass!

4. RECOVERY SUCKS ASS.

You’ll be swollen for a WHILE while your body heals. You’ll be bloated from the meds, weird diet and lack of movement.

You’ll often be cranky, sloth-like and feel like hot garbage.

Depending on the work you have done, you’ll have to sleep on your back like a mummy for a month. It may feel like someone is permanently sitting on your chest.

You may not be able to breathe out of your nose for 3 weeks.

You’ll be a couch potato for a couple days, realistically a couple weeks.

You’ll be fragile AF for a couple months afterwards and will have to ease your way SLOWLY back into the gym. On the bright side, you hopefully have a really dope significant other, bestie or roomie to wait on you hand and foot and feed you fresh smoothies with a straw.

When I got my nose done I was out of work for 2 weeks and came back with two black eyes that were there for a month. My tits, after I got them done the second time, were HUGE cantaloupes for a full year (I miss them TBH) before they settled in and got fluffier.

It takes a long time for your body to be fully back to its normal state.

5. DATE YOUR SURGEONS

When it comes to your surgeons, you gotta date a handful of them and marinate REAL good on it before making a commitment. Go to your consult armed with questions out the ying yang and REALISTIC expectations.

The key when it comes to cosmetic work is to making it look halfway believable. Like, “Did she? *Scratches head* Are those boobs real? Are those her natural cheekbones?”

You should still look like yourself. Just an enhanced version of yourself.

Pilfer through your surgeon’s before and after photos. If you wanna really get down and dirty, ask if they have any former patients willing to give their own personal testimonials to you. Go on Realself.com to start your surgeon search, make a list and check it thrice! Take your time to get a feel for each one and whether you’re comfortable with having them in charge over slicing you.

6. BE STRATEGIC WITH TIMING.

If you work full time and have paid vacation leave, your surgery is probably gonna be the time you’ll want to use that leave. If you’re in college, you’re gonna want to wait until the summertime. It’s SO much more pleasant to recover from surgeries when it’s warm and sunny outside. And more friends are usually around for me to badger about picking up my take out soup and smoothie combo. I ALWAYS get my work done in the summer.

Pro tip: the second-best time for cosmetic work is during the holiday season. You leave work for a couple weeks, hibernate, stuff your face, and come back with a new ass. That you bought. Nobody will ever know. Unless you want them to. MAGIC!

If you work for yourself and there’s stuff you sure as shit can’t do when you’re recovering from surgery, start your game plan yesterday as to how you’re going to delegate the work.

I’m on the more neurotic end when it comes to planning for important shit like this so I also pre-order my groceries (healthy REAL foods = faster and easier recovery, FYI) and have my house cleaned spotless before going under the knife.

I also leave explicit written instructions for my aftercare with whatever friend is helping me with recovery because I’m always whacked out from the anesthesia and just wanna curl up on the couch in a blanket fort.

Just map out what needs to be done and let other humans who are involved know in order for your life to be easy as can be during all of this commotion. The LAST thing you wanna do during your recovery is have to be responsible for more than sleeping, binging Netflix and bathing yourself.

“Life in plastic, it’s fantastic!” – who remembers this Aqua throwback?! – the bane of my childhood existence – anyways now this song is stuck in my head. lmao.

But for real. Plastic surgery is the tits if done with the right intentions and for nobody else but yourself.

If you have Q’s about going under the knife, hmu (I only play a doctor on TV but I am here to help)!

xo al

April 22, 2020

I’m Afraid Every Day. And That’s a Good Thing.

Yes, it’s true.

Well, perhaps not EVERY single day. But most days, I’m afraid. And I know, it doesn’t seem like it.

Why am I afraid?

Because I push myself.

I push myself to go FAR beyond my comfort zone. The farther I push myself, the more scared I get. So I keep going. It feels unknown, anxiety-inducing and straight up uncomfortable AF.

And that’s precisely why it’s such a beautiful thing.

Because if I weren’t getting up every day and making myself go on live streams to chat with my followers, even though I may not necessarily feel like it in that immediate moment because I have a headache…if I weren’t forcing myself to have uncomfortable but necessary conversations with people I do business with…if I weren’t throwing myself into a project that I’ve never undergone before (hello, this blog) and going back and forth with the web designer trying to communicate what I want without sounding like a total buffoon…there would be no improvement.

I would never grow the way I’m meant to grow to make the impact that I’m meant to have on the world. And this isn’t just about me. We all have our own unique gifts and talents that we’re meant to give to and share with others.

Every single one of us.

For me, it’s super duper necessary, in fact THE MOST important to me, that I get whatever needs to come out of me, out of me. I just feel it. It’s like…giving birth? But to ideas. Which is my job. Which I love to do more than anything.

But that doesn’t make any of it any less scary.

People who follow through with the unique gifts and creations they have that they’re meant to share with the world and people who don’t are not different breeds of human. It’s just that the former knows and understands that fear isn’t a sign of “I’m not going to do this so I don’t feel uncomfortable” that the latter follows.

In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

I once heard a quote that went something along the lines of, “Go where you’re most afraid to go.” As in, go after the burning desire of your heart that also makes you want to throw up when you think about it because that goal is so massive. THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE MEANT TO GO.

Like the time I decided, “I’m going to just drop my entire life and move from New York to LA where I know precisely nobody to start a career as an adult film star” at age 25. I was petrified. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.

I just Googled everything, found an agent, and went from there. Even though the whole thing was insane, I KNEW in my heart that this was exactly what I wanted, so I went after it, guns blazing, pushing the fear aside every time it came up.

I felt an unspeakable pull every time I thought about actually following through with the move. Like I was being reeled in from New York to California by a giant invisible fishing line.

It was calling me. So I answered.

And sure enough, that weird feeling of unsettlement that I had been carrying for so long disappeared. Now here we are.

Like the time I was FRESH AF to the world of adult film (literally like two weeks in) knew two people, was invited to be an extra in a music video sponsored by Pornhub, decided FUCK IT, got to set only to meet a bunch of HOT BABES who had been in the industry for years already (needless to say I was a SMIDGE intimidated and overwhelmed AF)…and ended up meeting my manager of now 6 years, Matt, there.

Who took me on as a client because he saw how hungry and how serious I was when it came to my new career.

Or how about the time more recently when I knew I had hit a wall when it came to the way I was running my life and business (AKA to the point of physical and mental exhaustion on the daily, putting myself on the back burner) and knew something had to change.

I felt a sense of dread and anxiety at the thought of changing anything (I’m a routine person to the core) but stronger than that dread and anxiety was THAT PULLING FEELING AGAIN doubled with that true knowing that if I went headfirst through the fear and anxiety I was feeling (I had been drawn to a couple business coaches, each with expensive but highly recommended programs) that I would come out the other side stronger and better than I could ever imagine.

That pull led me to investing in them, and therefore, myself, which drastically helped me transform my way of thinking things had to be, and helping me to restructure this part of my life in a way that felt aligned with who I was and where I wanted to go without exhausting myself in the process.

Or like that time I decided I was going to start my music project, Fancy Monster, with my brother. I had no fucking clue what I was doing. I didn’t grow up playing in rock bands (although I was a killer alto sax and flute player for 12 years 😉 ) I’m not struggling to make ends meet hopping from gig to gig.

All of the above is fantastic if that’s who you are, but I just come from a different place and have a different story.

So, like, I have ZERO experience in this world aside from having an imagination that runs rampant, biz skills and nonstop gut instincts as to exactly how this project will come to life and using the resources I have to make it happen one piece at a time.

All I had was a burning desire and THAT SAME EXACT PULL to go and do this that I couldn’t ignore even if I tried. I’m scared shitless pretty often and also question my sanity equally as much. But that’s also how I know I’m doing the right thing.

And stronger than the fear I experience is the feeling of confidence and just KNOWING that as long as I keep going and don’t quit, I can’t fuck this up and I will end up EXACTLY where I want to be (or somewhere better) because this is what I decided and once I decide, I always get.

Because it’s literally impossible to exist in any other reality. Because it’s a true, burning desire in my heart that has proven itself to be coming to life just as I had planned, as long as I continue to show up for it every single day.

My examples may be more on the uhh intense side. Who knows though. Maybe yours are equally bananas. Please do spill if so.

No two humans are exactly alike. We’re all wired differently. All I’m saying is, if you wanna get ahead in life by any measure…whether it’s businesses, fitness, relationships, etc…if you don’t want to be complacent…you’ve gotta get used to the feelings of fear.

Because they’re always going to be there. But instead of avoiding them, just dive in, headfirst.

Anyways, once you’re in, it gets WAY less scary. Like, it’s THERE. You just instead accept and understand fear as being a natural part of your existence.

You feel it, you acknowledge it, and you do whatever the fuck you want anyways.

And I promise, you can.

xo al