I feel OBLIGATED to discuss this.

This is hands down one of the most popular questions I get asked. EVER. Like, multiple times a day popular. Like, multiple messages on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, even snail mail…you guys somehow always manage to sneak this question into my daily existence.

It should be understandable, then, that frankly I’m pretty over it. 

But, like, I GET IT. I really, really do. I’m also well aware that given my profession, I’m VERY well-equipped to give you the answer. So here we go. Ready???

 

SIZE DOES NOT FUCKING MATTER. 

 

WHEWWWW! We can all breathe a collective sigh of relief. Let it out. You can relax. 

On behalf of the female population (and just know, I speak in general terms here. Humans are humans which means we’re all weird and quirky in our own unique ways and we all have our own personal preferences.)

I’m sure there are some women who are straight up hardcore size queens, 8 inch Pringle can or GTFO.

…BUT MOST OF US JUST DON’T FUCKING CARE.

I’ll also address the gray area here. If you’re literally 2 inches…not MY cup of tea but there IS a woman out there who will love and adore and cherish all 2 of those inches like it’s the last cocktail weenie on earth.

Or make fun of it, if that’s what you’re into.

I promise. 

Remember in middle school when we used to quiz each other at recess, acting all cool pretending we knew wtf we were talking about going, “Would you rather have the motion of the ocean or the size of the boat?” (Or maybe this was just a teenage girl thing). Anyways…

 

…women want the damn ocean. 

 

Because the truth is, you can be absolutely STACKED and also be a jackhammer and/or two pump chump. Been there, had that, thank u, next!

These same dudes also tend to talk a biiiiig ol’ game right up until it’s actually time to get on the court. Go figure. 

So, fellas, if you’re one of the chosen ones blessed with a huge schlong, please take the time to read the instruction manual it came with.

Because if you don’t know how to properly operate the equipment…that’s a problem.

And even for size queens, the novelty wears off REAL quick if that’s ALL you bring to the table. 

You know what most women are down with? Average. A V E R A G E. I think that’s liiike…5-6 inches? *shrugs*

TBH I think, no wait, I KNOW the whole inch-measuring thing came from guys in the first place because I have never in my life been like, “Hang on babe! I wanna whip out my tape measure before you stick it in.”

Women don’t obsess over dick size whatsoever. Like, it’s a thing maybe we’ll mention casually to a close girlfriend for a hot minute while discussing a hookup but it’s never anything we get hung up on.

We move on with our lives, unbothered. There are FAR more interesting things to discuss and worry about. Like, pretty much anything else.

Seriously.

I think the ONE time in my life I’ve been emotionally caught up on a guy’s dick size was in college when I unsuspectedly hooked up with a dude who was a solid, like, 2 inches. All I know is that I felt nothing and then it was done in less than 3 minutes.

Good times! 

You know what we obsess over? Men who treat us like the queens we are. Men who respect us. Men who appreciate all the time and effort we spent on getting all glammed up. 

And, of course, men who treat us like the fine ass ladies we are in public who can also really give it to us behind closed doors. There’s a time and place for everything.

Average Joes, rejoice. Learn to work with what you’ve got.

For women, size matters the most when it comes to your heart 😉

xo, al